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I don't see the point in living anymore. I can't. I've called helplines but tonight it's just not helped. I've spent way too much time in hospital over the years and nothings ever helped.
Last week I started studying. I'm finding it really hard to cope with even though it's only 3hrs a week. I nearly had a meltdown in class yesterday and it's left me shaking all day. In bad days my illness really gets in the way. I was so confused and muddled and then scared. I couldn't follow what the teacher doing and I got so flustered too. I know this happens to other people without a psychotic illness but for me it's really extreme. There's all this other noise in my mind and even though my medication is stopping my voices atm it's not stopping the negative symptoms for me. Last time I studied it wasn't this bad so I'm scared, I'm scared I'm losing my brain and intelligence. Also when I try to speak up in class I get all jumbled, stuttered and start confusing myself even more because I can't say what I want, like when I start talking I lose all track of what I'm trying to say.
I wish I could fix this. I'm scared it's a part of cognitive decline you hear about in schizophrenia and that it will continue to get worse.
In response to: Re: I just can't.
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
Morning @The-red-centaur
Those thoughts sound very frightening .... I hear ypu.
When do you see your counsellor next ? It might’ve a good idea to raise it with them. They might be able to give you some strategies, and it can be that panic is taking over and scrambling your memory recall. With support you might find that calming your body system helps to clarify your thoughts, and the way you speak.
In response to: Re: I just can't.
Zoe7Senior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
It is great that you are back studying @The-red-centaur . It is not great that you seem to be struggling but keep at it - it often feels like our brain has gone into hibernation when we first get back into things but with a little more time and support hopefully you can push through that barrier. It is a great idea to talk to your counsellor/support worker/pdoc - anyone that you have that can help support you through this. As @Faith-and-Hope said - they may be able to give you strategies to help you be more focussed and more in the moment.
In response to: Re: I just can't.
The-red-centaurSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
It's been 4 weeks since I was sexually assaulted. I can't get over it. I hate my stupid life. I want to hurt myself. Sounds right to me.
In response to: Re: I just can't.
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
Hi @The-red-centaur
That is terrible.
Have you been given support ?
Do you need help to stay safe tonight ?
Here and sitting with you.
In response to: Re: I just can't.
The-red-centaurSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
@Faith-and-Hope my counsellor and case manager are aware. But they're not helping. Nothing is helping. I'm really scared
In response to: Re: I just can't.
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
Here is a link for a sexual assault support service in southern Tasmania -
Can you contact them and see if more support is available for you ?
In response to: Re: I just can't.
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
They have a 24 hour call service on their site.
@The-red-centaur
In response to: Re: I just can't.
The-red-centaurSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
@Faith-and-Hope thanks, but I don't live in the south.
In response to: Re: I just can't.
JoeTheLionSenior Contributor
Re: I just can't.
Hi @The-red-centaur
Tough time yeah. I'm so sorry to hear you've had such an awful expereince that has made things even harder for you. I'll send you a check in email shortly.
It might be worth trying the service @Faith-and-Hope listed. At the very least they would refer you to the equivalent local line. Also 1800respect are someone you can touch base with https://www.1800respect.org.au/ or 1800 737 732
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