Words

Thank you.

@24601 - it's very hard when your words are 'stuck' & you're unable to reach out. And to noteeven be able to write it down, must be doubly hard.
How long do your words remain 'stuck'.

They remain stuck until I'm at breaking point and things have almost gone too far. The most frustrating part is that even when I have people who I could talk to and would help if I asked, I just can't get the words out.

Hi @24601.

Do you know what it is that makes words get stuck for you? I think sometimes for me it can be that there's so much happening, I don't even know where to start. There's also a huge trust issue that comes into it for me. Speaking requires me to expose myself and it feels like being vulnerable, which can be very scary. I hear of others getting stuck often because they don't feel like they deserve to be heard, or like they'll be a bother, which can happen in a way for me too. Sometimes maybe there's fear that things aren't going to make sense also.

I don't want to pressure you to answer or reply but I did want to say that I think it's really brave to have posted and to be trying when it is hard.

Thinking of you

Hi @CheerBear.
I think trust is a massive issue for me when it comes to being able to open up. My words have too often been twisted and used against me and there is always a fear of repercussions. I think there is a fair bit of avoidance as well. As if speaking what's in my mind makes it more real. It all ends up just building up until I'm constantly screaming inside. It all just adds up on top of everything thing else leading to the big I can't do this anymore thoughts.

I can relate and understand how that might be with building up @24601. I can feel a bit like I am a bottle sometimes. It's like I can get really shaken up but the lid is kept on really tight. Eventually I feel like I'm either going to explode or implode. I'm not sure if that's something you can relate to, or if it feels different for you, but it's what I think of when I hear build up and screaming inside.

I'm sorry to hear your words have been used against you. It doesn't help with trust when that has happened.

I have noticed you around for a little while, and I have heard and sensed how hard it is for you to speak. I think it is so great to 'see' you. I Iike being here for lots of reasons. People here know what it's like to have words used against them. They/we get how hard it can be to speak sometimes, and how much things might not make sense or are really scary to say. "I cant do this anymore" is definitely understood too. I really hope it feels OK to be 'seen' and I hope you keep trying if you want to. You can be heard here.

Explode or implode is pretty much exactly how it feels for me. Normally I can relieve the pressure with self harm but lately even that isn't enough and that scares me.
I'm currently staying somewhere to help give me a break and to keep me safe for a bit. It's being there that's really been bringing up the frustration at my lack of words. I have people around me who can and will help me and all I need to do is ask but I can't make myself do it.

It makes sense @24601, to feel extra frustrated at not being able to seek support when you are around support.

Have you been able to talk about how hard it is to talk before? Sometimes, when I can't talk about what I need or want to, I can find it a little easier to talk about the fact that I can't talk about it. It seems one removed from the really scary maybe. Almost like asking for help to ask for help in a way.

I have no idea whether that makes any sense, sorry!