Forum Etiquette (Netiquette)

@Zoe7, I think these are all fine as guidelines but not 'rules'. There are many different ways of engaging with the forum and I wouldn't want to prescribe these too much. The main one for me would be about being polite and civil, but I think that is covered pretty much in the guidelines. Good of you to be thinking about how to improve the forum though.

@Mazarita We ( @NikNik and I ) chose the word 'rules' (for want of a better word) so it did nit get confused with guidelines in our Community Guidelines. I think being Polite and Civil are both thinks we aim for on the forum but isn't written into our guidelines - maybe that is something that @NikNik @Former-Member @Former-Member can look into further.

Morning @Zoe7,

I think what you have written is great.

I think sometimes that it is hard in the written context as sometimes things are taken the wrong way because we cannot see the person nor know what expression they use. This I think sometimes makes unneeded conflict between members. I think perhaps asking for clarity rather than thinking the worst up front might help.

I hope that makes sense!

Makes complete sense @Snowie and the Community Guidelines under 'Self-care and Conflict' encourage members to seek clarity under the point 'Seek then to clarify' - often when we are in an emotive situation we do not take the step back to check our own emotions as well as seek clarity from the other member(s) - but the Community Guidelines run you through this process quite well here.

@Snowie @Mazarita These could be possible additional ways that we could present the points you have both brought up...

• Be civil – differences can and will always occur on any forum but it is important to keep the discussion focussed on the issue rather than deteriorating into a person attack

• Reply to negative comments with a positive comment – this can break the cycle of negative posting.

@Zoe7I like those two points

@Zoe7 I so appreciate you bringing this topic up. You have covered so much and there is nothing at all I could add other than the real life communication comes with facial/ body props, and if there is open communication, we can clarify maybe quicker. But in saying that, it still goes wrong sometimes/ often.

I will be reading along interested in what others have to share. Thanks.

Sometimes it is the reactive posts that we need to take a step back from @Maggie and re-do with a clearer mind once we have let the intial feelings 'wash over us'. This is perhaps where we then need to seek clarity. Maybe (without being written) we can ask a moderator to seek that clarity for us if we think further participation in such a discussion would further inflame the situation. Often not engaging in such a situation or posting a positive response diffuses it but I know there are times when this doesn not happen and that is then for our moderators and/or community managers to sort out.

hello @Zoe7 @NikNik and all other readers..

I have written a lengthy passionate response....I am sure that there is no surprise..

I am reticent to post this response as I do not want to upset or ruffle any feathers..

I respect where you are coming from Zoe with your ideas and can see that you are open to the responses of others also...I know that you passionately want to help improve the forums...for all of our sakes...I commend and applaud you for all of your efforts...you have given so much with the birthday threads..

However..

I am seeing this from a totally different angle...I think this also is part of types of personalities if we were to look at some of the psychological programmes over the years...

so important to acknowledge that we are all so very different and unique..

This last statement is where I passionately believe that we all respond in a unique way....We all approach the forum in our own unique way...We all gather information if any other than the threads in our own unique ways..

This is what is so unique about these very forums....this to my mind is why they are such a success and growing rapidly...for that very uniqueness allowing each of us to be ourselves as much as we know how to...in a world that is becoming more judgemental and critical no matter how much they spout otherwise..

I understand the looking back over the last few pages...even the profile...(this did not occur to me until the last six months...after being here for about a year) I am an intelligent ...compassionate person (would not have written this six months ago even though knew in my heart)...I am also extremely sensitive and so very very deep...

There are many of us who do not flit backwards and forwards to different threads for whatever reasons that are rightfully their's...many who say very little...

we also have to be very careful using the word "negative"....who gets to decide what a negative comment is....that could be a very judgemental and damaging action..."negative thoughts" are often written down from a state of having no energy left...feeling unloved and not fitting in...having tried for far too long" ...giving up.....possibly even a person's last effort at reaching out before shutting down altogether..

We must not frighten away..deter..those of us who do not respond very often...we must encourage people to open up...it does not matter what they say when they vent...as long as the forum censor is in place...as long as no comments are directed at another individual...

I truly do not want to be seen as criticising you Zoe because I sincerely believe that you are on a worthwhile mission here...

I think this is an extremely difficult area...that if not handled in the sensitive manner it deserves could isolate many from joining...staying...responding...

we must not lose sight that we are unwell...at different times for each of us not thinking rationally..not needing to be worried about who we are going to offend...I would not write a thing if that was the case..

I would like to see guidelines...a section on how to manage if feeling offended...how to deal with triggers...these might already be here..

another point the forum has grown to such an extent that perhaps the actual programme itself needs adapting ...not the sensitive...beautiful people who reach out for help here ...because the real world is so egotistical and in a rush...has no time for those of us who need time to feel safe enough to speak...then wait to see the reactions of others ...in fear that we have offended...not because we have...because our image of self tells us so...

apologies for length...this is a huge passion of mine...as is a mirror of the real world..