Dealing with Difficult Relatives

It is fairly normal to spend time with family.

It is upsetting in many ways when we feel passed by.

I have had that occur in many ways in my life.

I cant advise you how to broach the topic better @EternalFlame

but just letting you know that I hear you.

I know it can be a very difficult topic...as I am finding out now.

Hello @EternalFlame

Thank you for sharing, it sounds like a tricky situation of being forced to help out your family and the pressure that comes with that, but also that your parents do not appreciate your help and instead make you feel guilty if you prioritise your needs.

This is tough but it seems like you may need to work on your boundaries, which is not easy. It can be helpful to work on boundary setting with a counsellor or psychologist, to make you more aware of how people are treating you and let them know that is not okay so they are also aware. This could be negotiating what you will and will not do, so not completely breaking off your relationship but finding a compromise. This is best discussed when you are calm though to avoid being defensive or reactive, again not so easy. It takes practise and a lot of self compassion so you can acknolwedge the guilt but not let it take over and be kind to yourself to keep follwing through with the boundary.

Have you had any chance to work on boundaries in some way, do you have problems with this in your other relationships?

Lunar

Hi @Former-Member, thank you for your input.

Also I'd like to invite @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @outlander @Appleblossom @Snowie @Former-Member and @CheerBear for your input into this topic. Things have taken a bad turn and I may become homeless.

Just to clarify my situation better, I live with my (much older) half-sister and her family.

I have a lot of trouble setting boundaries because I like to keep to myself and not be intrusive with my feelings. I'm currently involved in an email argument with my sister about my issues, and she's thrown me out of the house for the week because of the 'drama' I've caused.

I'm starting to realize that this relationship I have with my sister is becoming more toxic, the more I try and negotiate with her. I live in her house, so she thinks she has all the power, but I have a rental agreement with her that I can use to my defence if need be.

We didn't have a stable relationship to begin with. I only moved into her house because it was cheap rent and I needed a place to stay at the time. But now I can't just up and leave in my condition. I can't live with my father, his place is a small one-bedroom unit and I'm not close with any other relatives.

So I don't know now. I could try the rounds at housing support groups, but I want something stable and long-term, not emergency accommodation. Any ideas?

@EternalFlame A lot depends on where you live and where you are prepared to move to. It sounds like it is time to move on permanently. Best not to submit to a toxic situation. Pity there is not more family support for you. Its best you know where you stand tho. I have found I have had to be absolutely independent of family to get any sense of stability and calm in my living quarters.

I'd be googling short and long term accomodation options just in case. Be business-like about it. If you have to accept short term, it may be better than the streets in winter, but dont lose your cool. There are possibilities just be patient about in contact with the right agencies.

I was homeless at 6 and 16 and the fun bit of it gets old quickly.

Take care

Apple

@EternalFlameI am sorry you have to go through this, it is not fair. I hope you have somewhere safe to go for now.

I think it does depend on where you live. Is there any chance you could look around for a room to rent somewhere else?

If your rental agreement is there, then I do not see how she can throw you out. Is the agreement through a rental place? If so, perhaps talk to them.

Please let us know how you go, we are here to support you

@Appleblossom thank you for your input.

I'll be looking at my options at this current time. There are homelessness agencies in the area, and I'm planning on talking with them. I'm careful about renting in another share-house though, I don't want to end up in another drama-filled house, and I have to get a place that will allow me to keep my cat, as I am not prepared to leave him behind.

Yes @utopia, I agree.

I'll keep my options open and try and stay out of my sister's way for the time being.

Thank you @Snowie.

I have to be careful about moving into another share-house arrangement, I don't want to end up with worse people than I am now, but I will be keeping my options open.

The rental agreement is with the rta, so I can look up my rights and responsibilities as a tenant and I can ask them for help if anything gets worse. But this is probably my last resort if I can't find somewhere else that is stable for me.