very upset and disappointed real life sucks can I come back :(

Dear @Bunniekins

It hurts me to read about your mum (and your stupid insensitive neighbour). You describe that you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter. That is absolutely lovely and people should love her exactly the way she is. Especially ‘supposed family’.

I can’t give advise on how to deal / correct family, as I have cut mine out. All 500 or whatever of them, apart from my mum. She’s ok. It upsets me that she tells me about my siblings and my family, but she accepts that I’ve cut them all out. I guess she thinks I still might want to know what’s happening in the family. If my mother treated my child the way your mother does, I would cut her out as well. Love me & my loved ones the way we are or get out of my life. I know some professionals call this problematic behaviour, but some think it’s good and safe for me to do so. It’s not easy, it’s really hard and it makes me feel so alone at times, I wish we had a great relationship and we’re one big happy family, but we’re not and I know in essence it’s a good decision and blood family ties are overrated. It also takes a long time for family to get the message that they’re not welcome anymore and that’s a tough period. I first thought I’d take a break from the family, but my extended break will last.

In the end you need to carefully think about what is good for you (and your daughter) whether you get good support from your family more often than a singled out unacceptable behaviour. And I congratulate you for taking a stand of saying you wouldn’t attend a Christmas party if your daughter didn’t. Your family needs to wake up to her reality, however difficult it might be if they’re very conservative.

Sorry you’re going through this unacceptable pain.