Family matters

I'll offer an opinion on this, in case you want it, but please assess it for yourself: actually, the opinion is 'i don't know'.

As far as i have been informed, MOST mental illnesses come from faulty parenting - that means you probably have a whole LIFETIME of pain and resentment attached to your feelings about your parents. A friend of mine says to forgive, and she is right. After you have forgiven my advice is to only see your parents/family if you think you can deal with it. Very likely they love you enormously, but that doesn't mean they're good for you. Other people in your life have or will become like family to you and there are 'tools' like your faith in God, Lifeline, welfare, local drop-in centres, 'support organisations' etc that can help you have a good life. i've given up on trying to have a job - even if you are the best operator in austraila at what you do, mental illness stigma will eventually make staying in the job untenable. volunteer work is good, 'though, and you can do practically anything as a volunteer. volunteer work can lead to paid work but even then, they'll discriminate against you.

sorry, i've gotten off track. do what's best for you and your child/children and don't worry about what anyone thinks but God. People will carry on with all sorts of unrealistic expectations for people with mental illnesses while the state has it's darned foot on our heads. Show this post to your family if you think it's a good idea but NOT to prove a point defiantly - that will continue the conflict. it is VERY likely that your parenting caused your mental illness (but only you can know that - the mental health system has probably told you what the initial trigger was) but it's very likely that your parents will never be able to face it - they probably love you too much and cannot face that they did this ENORMOUS bad thing to you. as i said, you can make a good 'alternate' life with welfare, 'support organisations', meds, counseling, other disadvantaged friends, drop-in centres, volunteer work, free social events (there are lots of these that you can organise or attend - free outdoor festivals, for a start). good luck and god bless. i don't know what else to tell you. i hope this helps. if anything else i might have to say might help then please, feel free to ask.

By the way, i dealt with my family situation by deciding NOT to see them on christmas day but organising to have lunch with them on christmas eve, and i brought a friend to lunch with us all. things stayed much more cordial that way.

your comment about having yourself admitted to a mental health unit over christmas reminds me of a friend of mine who says she has to do what her sister says 'or else she gets angry' (the sister, that is). of course, my friend doesn't have to do what her sister says just because her sister will get angry if she doesn't. you do what is right for you and when you are ready. i hope my experience and the experiences of my friend as here described give you some useful tactics/strategies and/or insights. cheers and god bless.

I pontificate, don't I? I at least hope that my advice doesn't hurt anyone. I think understanding, kindness and patience are probably the keys to most things in life - just doing your best to embody those three qualities towards anyone will help them. If anyone reading any of my posts finds anything useful in them then that's great.

I HAVE MORE PIZZA! That means i don't have to go out until Friday, although i'm meant to have a meeting with my new editor. Never mind. Apologies for all the pontificating. Catch you all soon and god bless x

God will help you with any problems you have, Stu. You sound lovely and good for you!

Thanks @Terry. I either need to stop seeing them, as you say, or get way better at dealing with them. The second seems impossible right now but the first is difficult for other reasons...

Fortunately, the way my job is, I have greatly reduced income in Dec-Feb so after this weekend I'm going to have a valid excuse of not being able to afford flights until early March. That's something to look forward to 🙂

Briar, I think one of the weirdest and/or hardest things in life for anyone to grasp is that someone can love you very much and/or try to help you and still be bad for you. The love is the important thing. Don't forget that you can try to get them to be good for you. This hasn't worked very well for me with my family but I still try (a bit, sometimes) by explaining to them that some things they do are bad for me and giving them alternative strategies to try to actually help me. They don't really get it, but sometimes I get a sort of healthy feeling of assertiveness that I have gotten throught to them a bit and made a point - if I have 'revealed' to them something they do or have done to me that was very wrong, i make sure that i also tell them that i have forgiven them, as some of the things they have done to me have been so wrong that it totally beggars belief and i totally suspect that 'they can't handle the truth'! anwyay, good luck and god bless. wow, i have brought myself down thinking about the afore-mentioned now. here's a gag to lighten the mood:

A freudian slip is where you say one thing but mean your mother. hee hee! :0

Q: What's yellow and stands in a corner? A: A naughty bulldozer! (ps. am i the only one here old enough to remember yellow 'Caterpillar' earth-moving equipment?) 🙂