Another year done, so what's next?

wow. well, i have told you the story of my miracle. i was very, very sick (i don't want to give every detail in public at a website) and a minister friend prayed over me and i was healed instantly. quite a few people were witness to the miracle straight after-the-fact, as they saw that i was healed. it happened about a year ago.

ps. i had a bad experience with an abusive minster in my teens, although it was a relatively minor incident, but god is not christians and god is not even the church. i often struggle to love my fellow man, actually which is incredible, given the miracle, and that the golden rule is well, the golden rule.

Hi @Appleblossom & @Terry - I had a quick catch up read of the chat here. It is always difficult when people proselytise. I underrtsand that is where you are at Terry, and if it is a comfort and lends you strength to beleive then that is your perogative. We all have our own journey, I really am very uncomfortable when people try to convert me to their version of "God's Love", here's why...

I was churched as a kid, Anglican, then Methodist. My parents were fairly devout christians. I took off from home at 15 with a guy much older than me. I was really sick as a late teen with MI, but nobody knew that, to everyone else back then... i was just wierd and drinking too much. After I left him (he was abusive) I ended up being recruited by a pentacostal church, I was very vulnerable, and open about all my troubles, they took full advantage of that - in the Lord's Name. It was in the end yet another abuse of power and I was deeply scarred by their initial acceptence and encouragement as time went on they came down heavier and heavier on me. to conform to their way of living, thinking and acting. I told them about the CSA and they 'prayed over me to release the demons". It was traumatising. It was traumitising too that perfectly explainable happeneings were put down as God's work - things like me stopping drinking, (I went back on the grog once I got away from these people) things like me being very sick, and being prayed over and me beleiving that I had been cured (I still have the same condition today) and being baptised in a lake (hellelluiah what a dramatic scene, I loved the drmama and was trying to be everythng they wanted me to be...I thought what they told me was true.

Turns out I was deluded, as deluded as they were, only more so because I saw heavenly beings and listened to inner voices, they encouraged that. Just ordinary suburban people at a Penty Church being as wierd and gullible as i was. I got away from them by leaving town and went and spent a long time in a major city drinking and drugging, having heaps of sex and basically just blasted out of my mind for 5 years... Every now and then someone would tell me that God Loved Me, oh yeah. mmm, mmm - sure thing, I was a sodden, squirrelly mess of a woman who hated myself enough to attempt killing myself several times. There was no God, just me and my mind and the minds of others creating theatre, weither inside or outside the Church - people trying to get you to say the words are theatre directors. I chose to direct my own play, now.

In the 90's I partnered with my current parter, an atheist, and bit by bit I came to see something that blew everything out of the water for me. That 'belief' is just belief, it is simply investing in imagination - either our own or someone else's. It took me a futher 10 years to let go of spirituality all together - to stand down from dogma, to drop someone else's creed and stand on my own intellectual two feet.

I can be strong, ethical, moral, a good person without having any kind of imaginary "god' in my life. I understand some people either have not come to that conclusion or are never going to let go of the tales, socialisation we were told as kids for whatever reason. We can learn that the tooth fairy, santa claus and easter bunny are all not real and accept that... but we seem to not be able to let go of the other not real entities we have been told about. We can be despearte for 'truth' and think ourselves into beleiving all sorts of things. Thus ISIL is operative, thus the KKK, thus Manus Island and Nauru - exist with incarcerated kids... the programmes at one stage administed by church bodies and a so called "Christian" Nation.

In the end, if someone is trying to 'pray' for change for something, health or wealth, or world peace etc - I just say - Prayer is a non-action, you want something to change - act. Love is not a feeling, love is not something that comes out of books, or comes out of wishing for it. Love is an act of the will.

So that's my lived experience and world view. We can believe whatever we want, belief ends at the edges of our own skin.

@MoonGal Prayer is an action. And if you're mixing intellectualism with belief, how come prayer is scientifically proven to work, smarty-nose? OK, i will not tag 'god bless' on the end of every post but you can't stop me praying for you all :0 🙂

@Terry - you called me "smarty nose" - hahahaha! Thanks Terry you made my day.

Placebo is a powerful thing.

Hope you have a great rest of the day. Let's just say I am lost and will never to be found...

Wow @MoonGal, what you have said has really touched a cord with me, what a wonderful way of seeing the world now, i am so impressed, i am sorry things where so bad in years gone by, and i am glad things are on the mend for you.

i will not go on about it, i just wanted to thank you for making me feel i am not the only one who thinks this way.

take care, be kind to yourself.

Jacques

DEarest @Appleblossom

Please stay my friend forever okay?? What a fantastic message.

you are really assiting sweet @Terry not to be triggered but be.......authentic. Says the woman who believes in positivity

DEar @MoonGal

1. What does proselytise. mean.

2. I have not read such a....shortened....I'm not a victim story, Upfront MI, for a long long time. I'lle read and re read it.

Thankyou. Your story brought back....memories...like little green shoots of some pain that is healing but still the memory is painful......

about churches and how that word was used and manipulated around me when a teenager.

3. I agree with the statement; if someone is trying to 'pray' for change for something, health or wealth, or world peace etc - I just say - Prayer is a non-action, you want something to change - act.

But then.....I'm in limbo on prayer. Who is God anyway?

4.I believe in action. For instance:

If the Centrelink are not accepting people on Disability anymore...someone organise a march/ a petition !! Stop your talking ....lets write a letter. lets get signatures!!

5.I dont understand what you are saying the love thing.

6.On intellectualism also; I'm over it.

For instance:

AS someone who has been told...many times on how intelligent my Mum is and how shes worked for .......... and whats she's ......... and whenever I venture a comment on what she belives is her expertise.......and the many times I get shot down and 'put in my place.....and Im one and half years from 50 years old......

Im over it.

It's more important in my books; to stay kind, stay positive, move from troubles. if you have a problem with that, on Utube is a wonderful film called Samson and Deliah that will make you realise you really should just be grateful.

Like pretty much everyone here is.

Also; @MoonGal thankyou again for your story and your gorgeous messages online.... esp. about books

I was under the impression that this forum was about Another year done, so what's next?. I may be mistaken. Sorry to butt in on a very interesting conversation but why do you continually put yourself down it certainly cannot be a help to you. Wouldn't it be better to talk about your good parts and leave the negative bits alone.

For information, my tag "loopy" was given to me by some Vietnam vets. who are now part of my extended family. I carry that name with pride as it does not refer to my MI it relates to my personality which is different.

the looped one.

@PeppiPatty - Prosletyse means to convert or try to convert, or to recruit. I was so glad to hear that the way I described that part of my life as non-victim, I have claimed both 'survivor' and 'resiliant' as my own.

@Loopy - I am missing a vital part of information here in regards understanding your response. Who are you saying this to... "why do you continually put yourself down it certainly cannot be a help to you."?

@Jacques - glad my disclosure and viewpoint struck a chord for you.

@PeppiPatty, I am so happy to be back amongst such caring people who don't judge in any way. By the way, I do love your avatar It gives me an understanding of you mentally and physically in a positive way. I think that you are extremely forthright, easy going and a great sense of humour and very much sympathetic to other peoples MI. I am extremely happy to be conversing with you.

loopy