Battling MI whilst caring for someone with MI

@outlander

hey sweetheart, you okay? haha, yep, i know that feeling of the lights on but nobody's home !

im still awake but my bed is calling me lol ... you not sleepy luv?

x

@utopia

Hey luv, im over at my thread now lol … just reading the message you sent me last night.

So nice you and your mum do things together. and im glad you enjoyed the gurrumul doco the second time around hehe!

Good on you for having a lazy day – at least the dogs beds got washed! 😊 I didn’t do any housework today. I really struggled this morning, couldn’t get out of bed and couldn’t stop crying. One of my close friends came over this arvo to spend time with me. it was a good distraction as im not good on my own atm.

you know utopia, I have never felt so alone. My mum is everything to me and im losing her ☹ I feel that im losing my family. My brother died when I was 14, my dad died when I was 25, I don’t even feel that I have a sister – all I had was my mum and im losing her. my two closest friends mean the world to me. but I do feel so alone without my mum. It probably sounds so childish as im 40, but she’s my best friend, I would go to her for advice, and she would always be there for me. she was my rock. im really struggling not having her the way she was. Why has this happened? I don’t understand ☹ and my thoughts worry me sometimes. I can see I am spiralling downhill with my depression but its as though I cant do anything about it.

The family meeting at the hospital is on Wednesday luv. im not sure how it works however, im assuming its just me and the doctors. I don’t think mum is involved in it. and ive told the social worker I don’t want my sister or uncle there – at the end of the day this is on me, whatever is decided is going to impact me directly and what needs to be done. I do have a lot of concerns and like you said, I have written them down to discuss them with her treating doctors. I am very scared about what will happen when she comes home. I honestly don’t think I can deal with it, not if this is her behaviour from now on. They haven’t confirmed dementia but im preparing myself for it. and Ive done some reading on it, and she does fit with some of the symptoms.

Didn’t hear from my sister at all today – after everything I told her about what I am going through last night. But I shouldn’t be surprised. She doesn’t even text to see how I am. I told her that I thought she was self absorbed and very selfish last night. She said no one has ever called her selfish before. First time for everything hey!

xx

@utopia

Ooh i do like this new mobile site. Much better.

Thank u for ur wise and kind words.

I telephoned the carer liaison officer this morning - the lady who saw me last week. She wasn't far from my home so she dropped by to see me. It was lovely of her. She gave me some advice on how to deal with mum. She was talking along the lines of dementia, and explaining what's going on in mum's brain atm. It calmed me down. I have no boundaries with mum - she says jump and i say how high! She explained how to slowly put boundaries in place. It is difficult utopia. I do need to come to terms and accept what is happenning. Perhaps i dont want to accept it could be dementia as it will make it too real for me. Im grieving the loss of my mother - she is physically there, but mentally it's not her.

How has your day been luv? You doing ok? I hope so xxxxxxx

@utopia

hey sweets. im thinking its not her mental illness that is driving these changes. i did contact dementia australia a few weeks ago and they sent me out some information. i didnt go through it when it came, just kind of put it to the side but read through it last night. a lot of it fits with my mum.

i just rang her now to say hi and see how she is. she asked me if i got her shopping. i said no. she said she wants me to have the shopping when i go to see her. not to see her without the shopping. if i dont have time to see her that is okay, but i have to go to the shops. the carer liaison officer today told me that mum knows she can manipulate me, she knows i will cave in. i have to change my ways. its going to be hard, but i do need to be strong. mum needs to know she cant keep putting demands on me, and up until now, i have just given in to her.

LOL! you are so cute thinking of me to ring you after the meeting haha. i will definitely let you know how things go tomorrow. i told the carer liaison person that i am so scared of mum coming home the way she is - i told her i cant care for her the way she is now, she wants to isolate herself at home and she wants me to do the same. she said they wont be sending her home in this state. and you are right, there is support available to help manage dementia changes. i just never through this would happen luv. and all so suddenly. i will try take things one day at a time.

oh, and my sister sent me a lengthy text last night apologising for her behaviour and that she doesnt want to lose me or mum and wants to change, etc. ive heard it all before. i cant go through that again. i know i need to keep the boundaries in place with my sister.

thanks for lending me your ear

*mwah*

big hugs back at ya!

@utopia

I love grumpy cat 🙂