Fragile

@Appleblossom 💜💜💜

@Appleblossom

I had a visit from a cleaner for the first time since I moved into this house 18 years ago. SHe came with her sister and were respectful, cleaned, and chatted a little so we could tell where each other were coming from.

I was very very anxious about her coming into my house and starting up yet another new "disability relationship". For the first time in my life I put out a few tests, and stated my values as a part of the privilege of letting her into my private life and home. I think we found a balance and I said things had to be "straight" between us. We spoke about what she had heard about NDIS, various companies and scammers etc.

My CoS said a few months ago on a visit that "The NDIS wanted me to do more housework." I just roll with things, thought alright, did my best, but feel many conmplex issues around the whole clean and house proud thing ( relating to homelessness and the suicides ....). I just cant push much any more for me or any one unless they really need something. Later after a couple of neck out events, my support worker was saying I should have the garden and house help, and so I sent emails to CoS. She agreed but denied saying what she said which was weird. Thinking I will change to plan self managed plan, next year. The less middlepeople the better. Cheaper for NDIS and less stress as less personalities to relate to, but a little regressed, in explaining situation to cleaner, regressed to trauma years when physical pain was at extreme high just before I left my marriage.

I think the cleaner and her sister believed me because they could see the level of stuff I had around. I said to the spt wkr yesterday, how surpirsed that she was treating me with respect. I think I have more healing to do, as I carry more damages than I realised.

The good thing is I have myotherapy session today and my son is coming for a visit, and I did not feel obliged to go to zoo today even though they asked for helpers, they had plenty of volunteers.

Any thoughts @eth ? Glad you are back.

@Maggie @outlander @Former-Member @Teej @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Sophia1

The regression is serious enough as it brings me back to a state I lived in during my 30s and early 40s, when carpal tunnel in both wrists and my neck were constantly an issue and received zero respect or support. I asked her to help me with car. The cleaner mentioned her own carpal tunnel on one side, but I guess mine was on both sides with constant carrying etc.

The cleaner also admitted she would not do the job when she was 55 and when she understood my physical issues said she would help with car. I also understood they were 2 sisters working together and the way migrants will pull together in friendship AND work. That work is not separate from friends and family. I talked about time when I worked as a cleaner with my mother in her suburb. I also mentioned my intention to do part time paid work later on, just a few hours per month, whatever works.

My myotherapist was lovely. I had seen her once 4 years ago and paid her fully, but now get sessions thru NDIS which will help a lot. Need to be gentle with myself cos of all the subtle muscular and fascial shifts and soreness.

And of course, I have always been deeply aware of others more vulnerable and fragile than I.

SacredWomanWarrenGorringe

@Appleblossom

Firstly ... what stunningly beautiful pictures!

I was happy to hear that the experience with the cleaner coming into your home, was not as bad as you'd thought. In fact it sounds like it went pretty well. I'm pleased about that. It is not easy having someone come into your home, it can seem like an invasion of your safe space. Is this to be a weekly thing from now on? My Mum worked as a cleaner for many years. Something she started doing once my siblings and myself went oft to school. Initially local families who wanted their home cleaned. Then she worked in a Motel for many years as a house maid. When I was still at school I also worked there on weekends and school holidays. And for about 10 years prior to her eventual retirement, my Mum worked as a cleaner at a primary school. I was interested to hear that your Mum also worked as a cleaner and that you used to work with her for a time as well.

Good to hear also that your session with the myotherapist went well. I dont know exactly what a myotherapist is, but have a feeling it may be a bit like an osteopath? Any sort of therapy like that will make you very sore for a day or two I'd imagine. So I hope you are able to take things easy and put your feet up for a while.

Thank you for your helpful posts to my thread, I very much appreciate it.

Please take care.

Sherry 💕

Thank you @Former-Member

No the practical spt will not be weekly. I do not need that, but I have looked after inside and outside of household alone whilst seriously disabled for so long, I am glad to finally have help AND validation, even with NDIS delaying and putting up a block. I am worthy of it and entitled. The cleaner was surprised it had taken over 6 months from the start of my plan for me to get my first hour!

Yes @Appleblossom you are very worthy, and this has been a long time coming. Every little bit helps.

@Appleblossom ... I just read that it was the anniversary of your sisters death. 21 years old ... so young, so dreadfully sad, such a wasted life. No matter how many years pass, the pain and the loss never fully goes away. I feel for you. I had thought there was more going on with you today, something seemed a bit out of kilter somehow. I'm sorry I wasnt more attentive, and here more for you when you may have needed someone. We have had our NBN down all day, so what little mobile internet access I've had has been slow and intermittent at best. Back on again now though. If you wish to talk, I am very willing to listen. On the other hand .... if it is quiet reflection you'd rather, then I understand that too. Either way, I am thinking of you.

Sherry 😢💔

@Appleblossom