Fragile

Totally agree @Zoe7

My problem is that my social/financial/comfort/resource circumstances were well below bogun ... I have a BS filter apparently, but I close down on mouth rather than open it ... that is why the singing is so essential .... it lubricates my mouth mind connection even if it is not always smooth (still can take weeks to get an answer and then feed it to oral loop) ... mostly I just endure ... if that makes any sense ... just posted on The Long Rave where they mentioned a boofhead.

My teeth are still tricky too ... having another series of appointments.

Got an impro gig tonight, arranged well ahead and cannot pull out ...

I understand the 'just endure' part @Appleblossom There have been plenty of times I have held my tongue in certain situations because to voice my opinions would fall on deaf ears anyway and would likely further enflame the situation. It is a balancing act - how much do you say or not say and still hold your own self-respect as well. Sometimes though it is also necessary for others to be called out when things are obviously not right - that could very well be your BS filter coming into play but you also have the strength and wisdom to know when and where to use your voice to get your point across. I am much the same as you - I don't suffer fools or encourage BS - and that is when I will openly challenge what is being said or done. It is a fine line though and one that you can only cross if you feel comfortable to do so.

I was married to a secondary teacher... they can't help themselves :face_with_rolling_eyes:

@Appleblossom 💜💕💗

Thanks @Maggie

Ha ha @Former-Member

@Zoe7 I am actually getting the sense I have been able to debrief this situation reasonably.

(Though what happens when I go back and need to interact with her again is different). Tonight was average as a gig but I had 2 brief mentions of it. With one, male older male friend loudly clapped his hands in the air and asked if I hit her. Of course not. Blabbed a bit more, but moved on within a couple minutes.

The next one was in a group of 4 strangers talking about mysogyny and toxic masculinity, a guy said the world would be better if all men were erased ( seriously), when I said had "suffered many microaggressions from females". The woman, who looked very similar to the offending lady, with blonde bob and good skin, actually apologised to me for them. It was a fairly rad event and she called herself "a wizard". I never mentioned more detail. but I felt taken seriously, she simply said "sorry you had to put up with that" immediately in a calm genuine voice, and the guy did not have to put himself down to fit in.

Zoe, I am not at the "challenging what other people say" place yet. I am coming to see how heavily my wiring is laid down. Maybe I should get a "NO" tattoo on my hand to remind me ... to say it or do it more often ... I move away from people who are racist or nasty if I can, actually challenging what a person says, is barely established, let alone consolidated. I that bullying lady though I was articulate so what is the problem .... when I said things were complicated ... she just would not accept that.

Had minor positive email exchange with the lady who stood by me and then sat while I calmed down, said I wont see her for few months. I had actually let a SI method out ... in my distress (tho not the nasty one) so I felt I had to reassure her.

So home safe and sound, but early start tomorrow.

Good Night

@Appleblossom

@Maggie

Images like that are so soothing.

Last night the vocal impro group was morphing into audiovisual style ...

coming to term with what I see ... and have witnessed... by my physical and mind's eyes.

finally feeling free-ish of unconscious baggage that others loved confronting me with ... now I at least am old enough to know what others are taking for granted, but I am still able to converse ...

It does sound like you have been given some postiive feedback with how you handled the situation @Appleblossom - it is nice that other people can see that this woman's behaviour was unacceptable.

I also will not tolerate racism or attacks on anyone - I do call them out more often than not. It is about reading the situation as well and knowing if your voice will make it above those talking - some people just don't get it so whilst I will say something it often falls on deaf ears - it is frustrating but the world is not perfect so you often get that. I also believe that those of us that can have a voice in these situations have a responsibility to use it to try to right those wrongs but confidence can also get in the way.

I do get the 'challenging what other people say" is often not something we can do - and totally get you would rather move away - it is not easy to challenge other people and I certainly need to know them first to be able to do that myself but if I am working in a group that I do know I will state my point of view if I am confident within myself to do so.

Hope you have had a good day today - especially after an early start. These mornings are getting harder for me to get up and moving but my fur babies make sure I am up to feed them so I haven't been late to work ...yet!!! Hugs and hugs Apple

You are doing well @Appleblossom . 💜💕

Hugs back @Zoe7 Long ago for me it became a question of saving my breath.

Racism conversations are more common these days (rather than racist comments). 2 people raised it this week, mainly as a seeking out what I thought opener, which I like and each time, we both got to agree and enjoy each other and move on with whatever we were doing.

Now it is just about socialising. I finally did figure out that if I was socialising I had the same rights as any other person socialising .. ie to be myself.... so often the "appropriate"

Thank you @Maggie Hope you are alright.

I did not manage to get up for my early start today. Extra prn and stress needed a long wind down, I guess. Son has been "working" at home. Still in jammies, but made yummy slow cook. TIme to dish up.