Fragile

Hey @Appleblossom just wanted to let you know I’m here offering a big hug! X

Me too @Appleblossom .....

And my notifications were down too.

❤️

Me four @Appleblossom . Sorry you’ve hit a rough patch with your son. Those relationships can be so tricky ☹️.

Thank you @Queenie @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Teej

Dont worry about notifications or delay.

Its really sobering in a beautiful way, to have so much caring response to my call out, and pain, within 24 hours.

My world has changed from when I was a child or a mum in a quasi "normal" family structure.

Then there was only manage on your own, dont dare express need or difficulty, and we will judge you to a very high level.

Baby dragons is one way of looking at it, but there comes a point where fire breathing is harmful and should be curbed or directed to a good purpose.

The family therapist we went to has supported him verbally standing up for himself which has lead to an escalation about verbally taking adult responsibility. I dont think the therapist intends that it be played out in a lets crit mother way, but he is on month holiday. In some ways the statements my son makes about my lack of responsibility are so wrong they are laughable. Forgiveness and reconciliation need to occur within.

edited… But being at the zoo for last 2 years renews my sense that I am actually good with kids and families despite being treated as a bad mum. My mother, my husband, my aunties etc all required me to care for littlies. In the orphanage I had to for my sister and teaching the kids reading. Socialisation of oldest girls is so different to socialisation of oldest boys. I am so over being used and tossed aside in caring roles. At least the vollie co-ordinator at zoo is starting to understand and "get" me, so I feel that role is secure, but I had to go outside of the house to get it.

The job atm is to last til he leaves. I need to make a few more statements to him, so he knows I know, rather than being seen as silly stooge, that I will love him, challenge him to open up more to his biological sister one day, and that I will be there for both of them, with respect. Then focus on my own self healing and broader creative practise. Try to keep my focus on purpose in my life, rather than succumb to doubts and others or self wounding. I will always love my children, but enabling negative behaviour is not good. They have enough good in them to work it out in the long run.

Sucha difficult time and relationship with your son @Appleblossom Yet despite all that you are still going to the zoo and doing your singing - those outlets are definitely needed for a little normacy in your life. Sitting with you Hon and listening

Sending lots and lots of love @Appleblossom . So sorry to hear what you are going through. I went through abuse by my now adult child too so I really feel for you. And agree strongly about not enabling their behaviours. It's so hard to establish and stick to boundaries when we love them deeply and have to live under the same roof.

I wrote you a long reply about my own experience but then deleted it. Suffice to say I am here to support you my friend. xxx

It sounds like it is a good thing that you have found perspective and a way forward @Appleblossom. I have one that has been quite demonstrative in the past and every now and then it raises its head. He is actively working on changing that. It is really painful and scary when it happens to you.

From an outsider looking in I hope this child gives him appreciation of being responsible for another life and the sacrifices made, the unseen and unappreciated ones. I really hope this gives him a new perspective. My psych the other day told me about the 'good enough' parent. All I could do was find fault with my parenting. I think about the opportunities you have given for your son to learn and grow and love it fits into the more than 'good enough' parent. I hope this time with his dad will help him realise that part and that he will discover what it takes to be a 'good enough' parent which apparently is what we need to aim for.

Coming back to you. You have fulfilled your job as a parent. You did when he turned 18. This is your time to grow and learn and love again without that responsibility. I hope you continue to find things that fulfill you.

Hugs and more hugs for the painful parts of all this.

💜🤗💜🤗💜🤗💜🤗💜

Thank you so much @eth Sorry my post was so long.

Your adult child is older than my son. You seem to have gone through many similar but different things, whilst maintaining loyalty for "them" regardless of difficult positioning between family members.

As a mum I was robbed of normal mother talks, as my situation was so over loaded. It really helps now to connect as mums.

@Zoe7 and your role as committed teacher is very important to me. There were 2 secondary teachers in my family an aunt and uncle couple. They influenced me a bit and were the only educated people I knew in my teens and 20s, but they were cynical, drug users, and also had a threesome relationship with a male student ... hmmmm ... that has not gotten into the news ... he has been friendly and visited here with his daughter from a new fresh and appropriate relationship. SO many skewed sexual and family structures. My family of origin was pretty confused and confusing .... took a while to understand at all what is normal ...

@Teej Thanks. Trying to keep mind clear, relaxed and open but yesterday was bad. Today will be better. Tomorrow is my birthday and son has planned birthday breakfast for me with his gf... as in knowing both our routines, feels good about watching us have oatmeal together. He wont eat it as its not keto. Both him and gf have very particular food requirements, which seems common in their generation. He also plans to play piano for the baby so has booked the baby grand for them to relax in. She loves music and I am sure the babe will too. Like all people and most animals.

Hugs