Thank you @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Zoe7 @frog @MDT
I have a problem with distinguishing between, tolerating, putting up with, and punishing myself. Actually I just never had the opportunity to talk over life issues until I came here on the forum and developed the relationships with you all. Now I can discuss one or two things at a time instead of ten or twenty.
A couple of doctors have told me its alright to move on after three years. That might be all they have to give me, and dont let hard feelings develop. SO I am throwing her card in bin and deleting her from my phone. She did help me set up a team of support as she complained that she was struggling with the stuff on my own, but that has been in place for over 18 months and pretty stable so I had hoped we had actually do some therapy, she would wave me off or deflect me. I would hear about @eth or @Zoe7 positive therapuetic experiences and keep asking myself why is not that happening. I dont live in a good areas for therapists @Faith-and-Hope so I have travelled into CBD. I have seen a few websites that I like the look of ... time will tell. Thank you for letting me get clear, and have a TIMELY chat without brooding and turning it over & over and within and against me.
The issue of what is process and what is personal ... is huge.
I received a phone call saying I can start an inhouse 10 week mental health course. I like the organisation and that will help me manage the transition. Though when I start I may reduce time on the forum, but its not tell end April.