Fragile

Funny you ask. @Zoe7

I am a bit switched on and wary of going manic.

I earned money for 2 1/2 hours and got gardening, cat, dishes and neighbour chat done.

My son cooked and put out bins which is relieving, that he is not totally in rebellion.

I did just send 2 emails about something that I was deeply concerned about throughout January/Feb. Eg workplace bullying in the site that my son was in before his episode over a year ago. If nothing personally I am satisfied that he had sufficient bullying triggers at the time to generate an untoward response in his inner world. Musicians are sensitive and though he and I have some strength we are both sensitive.

So I experienced the level of pressure and culture in same company.

I have been in a few other workplaces where respect has been key, (Zoo and Girls Rock) but the downside of opera is the egos. Some of it is necessary to develop the skills to do the job, but some of it is bullying. I am old enough to know the difference and with my bub already damaged I chose to lock horns over unprofessional behaviours. At this stage it is with the ladies in waiting who shmooze the problem beyond belief. They dont completely understand how it can be destructive. FIngers crossed I persuade and not merely antagonise, but no more being silenced.

Next I will have a quick chat with owner of company to ask if he can ask his bullfrog to pull his head in ... for the sake of the organisations rep. I am past caring if they like me or I get callbacks. Son and I have options. At least I understand why he did not join in even though it was his favourite composer.

Clarity maybe.

Tomorrow I have my gp. We have settled on 3 weekly for the last years and that has helped.

My cat is looking much healthier. Getting accurate feedback re appropriate levels of activity for such an old senior puss.

I hear you have been busy and kicking goals.

I think it id great that you are sticking up for yourself and your son @Appleblossom It is never easy to point out to others that their practice or actions are not appropriate so well done to you for being brave enough to do so.

I hope your GP appointment went well today - I have not seen mine for a couple of weeks as I had a clash with my psych appointment and she is harder to get into. I need to make a time for next week - will ring tomorrow to do that when I get a chance at work.

I am still enjoying the school and getting more into the work so that is all good - tomorrow I start some papier mache with a small group so it will be a good day for me as we all know here how much I love doing that.

Yonight will be a quiet night and probably an early night. I do want to get a couple of things done before tomorrow though so going to head off here soon and do those things.

Hoping you are having a good day Hon

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-03-07/fact-check-greens-nsw-homelessness-increase-housing-nsw-election/10872362

Part of the ABS definition of homelessness is:

curent living arrangement does not allow for control of space for social relations

WOW that is huge for me and I need to unpick it in terms of feelings and situations

It is not just about social skills ... social issues is a lot more complicated ...

Today I picked up meds and felt validated by pharmacy staff.

Been stewing on the comment by my psychologist and her general negativity, superficiality, disorganisation and lack of doing anything constructive, or using any proper psych tools with me, even when I make polite requests. I think I generally tolerate a lot and am reserved and restrained but not secretive or dishonest. She said "I'd like to see you get off those meds" in a sarcastic way a few weeks ago. The insinuation being it wont be easy, but I am not interested in helping. I now feel No way should be able to watch me struggle my way through life and make progress. I am really slow at processing things things which has meant some people think I am stupid or have no social skills or awareness, so I continually try and improve ....

I asked to see pharmacist and put scenario to her and she agreed it would be distressing and that I was on a common maintenance amount, nothing amazing. She encouraged me to find someone else if I no longer feel comfortable with her. I started looking yesterday. So thats show my instincts are in the right corner?? The lady at the cash register was nice too. They know me there and def respect me, though know I am on heavier meds now. My pdoc is fine with my lowering my dose when I feel ready.

Why do psychologists (and she is not the first) be narky and NOT do the WORK with me. Should I file complaints ... I am so sick of them dressing glamourously sitting in fancy rooms and not even using proper psychological tools that I can figure out for myself from the net ... but that they are entrusted by the govt to administer .... wtf ... my Community mental health org know that I do do the homework ... aaaaaagh ... rorting the medibank system shits me off. There is no need for the huge gap fees either ... just extra padding for big egos.

I guess @outlander

I surprised myself that I mentioned the incident to someone in passing. I think what I am coming to terms with about myself, is how much I have been trained to overcome my own feelings about anything, to tolerate or adapt to what is.

I dismiss myself rather than seek something more suitable.

At least I am starting to that more and more ...

I have written it down to raise with my gp next week.

Thanks for your reply. How are you today?

@outlander

For me its all about the self worth issue rather than internet research skills.

@Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Maggie @MDT @frog @Queenie @Faith-and-Hope @Decadian

Just wondering about your input ??

Hope you dont mind me tagging

Your psych should be helping you with those self worth issues @Appleblossom rather than making you feel like they are. It is definitely time to consider changing therapists - it does seem that they are not helping you at all and infact making life more difficult for you. You need (and deserve) someone that will put things in palce with you to help with your issues and especially with helping you sort through your self worth issues. They are not doing their job at all well with what you have described and you deserve so much better.

I personally think you need to talk to your GP this week and find someone better for you. You are an intelligent person who knows what you need and this relationship with your psych seems to have become more toxic than helpful and that is detrimental to you moving forward in a positive way - a fresh look at someone knew is very much needed. It will mean you have to start from scratch again but that also may not be a bad thing as a new person may have different perspectives and new ways to deal with what you have been through. Goodluck with it all Apple - never easy to start a fresh with someone new but in this instance very much needed I believe.