Fragile

@Emelia8 Hope you enjoy the pilates along with Hannah!

The flowers are beautiful, and the mini meerkats. My red pigface is in bloom, but is more of a spreading ground cover...?

Last night at the workshop a lady showed us her statues of the 3 wise monkeys ... another coincidence, where my online interactions reflect my in real life interactions. lol

See, hear and speak no evil ... can be a good motto. Mostly I try and stick with it, but sometimes worry that I had my head in the sand and was not facing up to some of the negative realities in the world. We can only take on so much.

Love hearing from you.

I am so glad you connected with Beethoven when things were feeling vulnerable. How did your rep prep go? @Appleblossom 💛

Some of it was not the style another musician wanted, but we are working ongoing, through styles and approaches. I will be jamming with her next week, and then doing a full day of various notated music. I am alright mucking around with stuff by ear 👂 👂 it is a new skill and style.

The thing is I enjoyed my version and so did my son. Whatever, I am keeping on paddling. If she gets too picky, but making her own muck ups, I will have to call her out.

Thanks for checking in @AuntGlow

Going home late on the train

Hey @Flutterbug9 I tend to hang out on this thread, for my own issues and things that interest me. At first, I found a lot of soothing and calm from posting art. Somehow it felt quietly resonating for me beyond words. I rarely found words adequate for all that I was feeling. Dont get me wrong, I love words and poetry did a thesis on 3 female poets, but that was way back in 1990. I also love music. Maybe there was too much deflection into the arts by all my family. So much intensity to express, we had to find various outlets.

Just posting a hut, cos you mentioned living in unpainted rooms without power. Yes, there are so many subtle social cues and standards.

Each person's journey is unique. Coming to terms with all the events, and milestones, and relationships and our own reactions and personalities. You seem to have respect and an understanding of intergenerational trauma. Each lost loved one, is also unique. People are often uncertain how to address a loss when there are children involved.

I slept between my parents from 8-9 in the same bed in a single room. I did not have a big noticeable reaction when my father died, a couple years later, but more of an inner quietening. oh oh. I am in this world alone. Gotta get on with it. I hear you about finding meaning and reasons to keep going. What keeps you going?

Feeling nothing I am or do ... is ever enough. Paradoxically that I am also too much

That's a hard place to be in @Appleblossom what's got you feeling this way today?

Awww @Appleblossom I am really sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you know that it is, in no way, a reflection of who you are. From everything I have seen or read from you, I believe you are a fabulous person. Very willing to help others. Tolerant of all and sundry, no matter of race, creed, religion, etc, etc. In general you come across as just a genuinely good person. In my opinion, you can't beat that.

So you most certainly are enough. I'm positive you have done enough, and indeed everything in your power, to help yourself and your loved ones in need. Naturally there are always limits in what we can do. But that's not on you.

Give yourself a break. In fact give yourself a big pat on the back for doing all that you have done in your life, despite the many obstacles you have faced throughout your life. You are a very special lady 💞