Fragile

@AlwaysMyself I really love the way you worded this:

"But since mid-20's I was able to start having more meaningful connections with my same-age peers also as they started to mature into a broader life experience perspective and 'calmed down' in their sensory-seeking I guess. "

Ut explains things so well.

Also thank you for your careful, thoughful remninder to me, that my thoughts and needs matter more than worrying about what is normal. I really appreciate it.

I am listening to an interesting yourtube. Its quite long, but I think it is very worthwhile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYrgLn7pWp8

@Dimity @outlander @Shaz51 @tyme

Apple

Thanks @Appleblossom . I'm going to keep that video open in a tab to listen to later when I have time and need a distraction (or sleep wind-down audio, since i use "learning" talks for that lol). 😊

I'm glad what I said made sense to you also. I don't think I knew at the time why I felt such disconnect from my friends even though they were caring and accepting people - they never judged my weirdness negatively. But yeah, that life experience impact and depression and my lack of "play" in the same way as them - I am so glad i also had adult friends outside of school who i could spend time with. 😊

Hiya @Appleblossom, how’s your day going my friend? Thinking of you 🙏☀️

Thank you @Chasingsunsets I had a lovely u3a leaders luncheon. Lots of good conversation.

Good talks with my son. We had a few difficult conversations this week, so it was good to work through stuff.

A friend came for a piano lesson.

A bit of gardening.

A couple of texts with friends.

When I joined the forum 10 years ago, I was very isolated.

So I had a good day.

How was your day.

@AlwaysMyself I have been really expanding my experience of play and spontaneity recently. As a kid, there was not much opportunity for play, so catching up on childhood bits and bobs as a senior...lol.

A lady did offer to play UNO with me today, but responded reasonably, when I thought it was more appropriate for primary school kids, and I had played more coomplex games at work. We had a manager who encouraged us all to play the card game 500 in the breaks. It was great for bonding, and teamwork, and gave me a good example of good management. I had seen plenty of crap bosses by then, so I always remain grateful for anything good.

See, I dont think of you as the slightest bit weird. I just LOVE that you have a great brain and are diligent in responses. There is also a lot of feeling content in your posts. You articulate well according to me, but .... I am happee to identify as aspee...lol

Hi there @Appleblossom the luncheon sounds lovely, what did you have to eat and I love good conversation it is the best, always so satisfying.

I am so glad you feel the conversations with your son have been productive and that you feel you are making headway. I feel I have had some conversations with a person and just not making headway, been patient but I’ve drawn a line in the sand now. I don’t expect any difference at this point, they just lack insight I’d say. Disappointing but you can’t make a horse drink water right. ☀️

Your day sounds great and look how far you have come in 10 years that is so awesome!!

so lovely to read about and so great you aren’t as isolated, you must feel so much better too 🫶

My day was ok, just appointments. Been pretty tired so might head to bed early actually 😊. Might hit up the markets tomorrow 😁

@Chasingsunsets I hope the markets were good. What kind of market? From time to time I have done food markets and other stuff sometimes. These days, I so DO NOT WANT to bring more stuff into my house, that I do not shop, unless something is needed. I like the idea of fresh markets, but tend to spread my custom around the range of supermarkets in the local area. There is one within walking distance, that I frequent the most. They know me, its in a tiny shopping centre, and it keeps me active. I tend to keep on top of meals and fresh food buying, so there is very little waste.

@tyme @Shaz51 How are you both going?

I had a very quiet day, mainly cleaning, and in the garden and a little music. Someone was supposed to show up for a session, but did not, and did not let me know. So that is disappointing, but I will get over it.

The cats have been gorgeous, curling up together on my bed.

@Appleblossom you might find this interesting.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2026/apr/19/how-to-train-your-brain-to-see-possibility-instead-of-doom?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I pondered whether the false certainty of paranoid delusions could be a circuitbreaker for bewilderment and intolerable or contradictory information.

Living with ambiguity and uncertainty certainly seems a learnt skill and perhaps cultivated in psychoanalysis where interpretations can be fluid.

Interesting on many levels @Dimity Timing is a little synchronistic.

I have been reflecting on autonomy and shame and doubt in last couple of weeks.

Doubting Thomas was mentioned and church, and I also have reflected on Erikson's theory for decades. Him and Maslow give a bit of structure for me to contemplate my chaotic childhood. So I agree with the premise of the article before I even read past first paragraph. I oddly have never really been a doom and gloom type. The uncertainties made me adaptive and I did make the most of many possibilities and have lived a rich life. Hypervigilance, can be tough but it also brings in data. My brain was wired so I was good at school and work which opened up experiences. I was game enough or mad enough to travel the world for a year, leaving Australia at 20. I am kind of proof of the resilience of early uncertainties. I was 6 when world turned upside down. I figure it was too young for my siblings who suicided as they were only 2 and 4. So the being needs to be old enough to physiologically integrate the stress. I had some sense of functioning understanding of the world.

I am so sad that my son went the more doom and conspiracy theory way, maybe he can come out of it, but I grieve his lost time. We are having a lot of good spiritual and social conversations in last 6 months, but he was a bit rigid for a while. He was also massively betrayed by a few people. He has been experimenting recently socially and learning, not to let himself get ripped off. He doesnt have to suffer for everyone. He deserves to honour himself.

"The poet John Keats described “negative capability”: the ability to remain “in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason”. Modern neuroscience increasingly supports this strategy. The capacity to tolerate ambiguity – to sit with not knowing – appears central to flexible, creative and resilient thinking."

Thats more my style. I dive into learning and avoid not knowing in an intellectual way, trying to understand but always seem to understand that life is complicated. Was used to a lot of kids and chattering mouths at the tables in the orphanage, and lots of changes. I am kind of proof of the article. I mostly shut up, but life was noisy.

I will be naughty and admit that I believe my openness and positivity may also have been wired in my brain by an psychedelics trip [edited by moderator] when I was 16 and still at school. I was trying to integrate hard sciences, while studying Lady Sings the Blues and Kubla Khan in English. Lots of heady stuff.

Now with all the interest in psychedelics... i can say ... gotcha... knew that in mid 1970s, and had a Scientific American book back then that supported my lived experience with fancy chemical pics.

Lovely talking. Sent me on a dive into my old love of poetry. Thanks.

Having a hard week, but grateful for good company.

@Chasingsunsets @AlwaysMyself @Shaz51 @tyme @outlander

That's all interesting @Appleblossom and seems to make sense.

Unfortunately my brain has reverted to blancmange so I can't enlarge or respond adequately.

Sorry to hear you've been having a difficult week. So have I.