Fragile

Yes @AlwaysMyself that is how I approached my comedy writing. It had to be about me and my weirdness, and I got too much material in one brain dump, on one theme. Ha ha. Trying to trim it from 4 pages to about 1 1/2 pages. That will be the next job, and rehearsing the lines. It has already helped, me break rumination, and have more light hearted stuff close to me tongue that it can come out when the moment suits.

But also letting go of my people pleasing. So some tart stuff is coming out. I am sick of NOT complaining and listening to everyone else's so thats been coming out too.

Anyway an outrageous anecdote really made someone else's day on the zoom today, and the other people connected in a deeper biographical similarities way. So, I hope thats helpful, and therapeutic. I am a bit scared, not used to being naked and out there, cos I had quite a filter on, without even realising it, diplomacy was so hard wired in me.

@Appleblossom I had a complicated uncle too who confided things I would have rather not known. As young adults ... we were still learning to navigate the world...

Interesting energy and focus you're finding with comedy work. It's so highly idiosyncratic - so different from the universalism of sacred music.suffusing a space.

Both the workshops I am doing are in old stamping grounds which I find is allowing me to go deep. One is stand up, the other more of a theatrical cabaret. Anyway, these are the challenges I have set myself. I do best if I have jobs to do.

The workshop tomorrow (cabaret) is close to a place I have done a massive amount of sacred and classical music. @Dimity @AlwaysMyself we have 10 workshops to develop a show collaboratively. It will be interesting to stay engaged, while I am processing things so intensely. Usually I have a week of quiet reflection, whereas now I have so much going on, my emotions are on overdrive, and all over the place but maybe its good for me not to be in so much control. Just letting my feelings flow.

Logging off for now. Hope you both have a good night sleep and tomorrow is decent.

I look forward to hearing more about how the theatrical/cabaret workshop goes today @Appleblossom - if you want to share and feel up to it, that is -- never pressure or expectation to. 🥰

Loving your & @Dimity 's reflections 😊

Hope you're resting well between the intense days @Appleblossom . Must be an interesting experience revisiting old haunts practising very different repertoire. You seem an all-rounder.

Hello @AlwaysMyself .

Gently working for creativity in the group. Expanding my ideas re my costuming for me, and encouraging others expanding their ideas and unique approaches. It is an interesting project with great potential. I am just a participant, so it is good to have a main emphasis on doing what meets my needs, but also could offer a range of skills. The girl "running" it at the moment may not have as much background as some in the group. I probably cant say too much for anonymity reasons. @AlwaysMyself

@Dimity @tyme @Shaz51 @AuntGlow

Today, I did music in 2 churches. One was singng an anthem of sacred music in the service, the other was a gathering of 5 recorder players. We did early music and contemporary English music, mostly sightreading but maybe we will do a concert later in the year. Then we can work up speeds and precision and expression. It was a very beautiful selection so worth my drive across town.

Costuming for cabaret? Wonderful.

The recorder group sounds good @Appleblossom . I regret my failed attempt (of Covid times) to take it up again.

@Dimity I am not sure why you did not persevere with recorder. Of course it has to be what sits right with you. DId the issues around Covid with air dispersal and air stream put you off hygienically? Plastic/resin recorders can be washed and are inexpensive. Wooden are trickier and the wet wood seemed yucky and worrying when I was getting fixated on the issues. However, I know a Steiner principal who is very aware and she didn't worry too much. I became used to the moisture issues as a wind player. Its more condensation than germs anyway, apparently. I did not play a lot in the hieght of covid, but before and after life resumed some sense of normality. My 2 doses of covid were from actual humans, not my instruments.

You have to do what works for you.

@Appleblossom the Covid timeline was incidental. We masked into and out of the room and were distanced while playing.

It went OK at first and I enjoyed it. Unfathomable cognitive problems arose I ascribe to c-ptsd - I couldn't hear or sense my own playing and my counting fell apart. The leader took me to task and I never went again.

My mother had boxed my ears and forbidden me from continuing to learn violin when I was 8 and still learning fingerings. A year later she presented me with a faulty plastic recorder that was progressively sharper the lower the pitch and expected me to teach myself and sightread parts in baroque ensembles with adults. She'd previously cancelled my piano lessons with my grandmother, although I begged to return.

At 13 I was presented with another instrument but not given lessons until 15, year 11. It was impossible to reach year 12 standard in time to take it as a school subject and I dropped out again. Years later I tried to take it up again and asked my mother's help to find a teacher/mentor which she refused. I told her to sell the instrument and keep the money.

I'm embarrassed by my musical ineptitude and incompetence. And ignorance. Ìt also affected my later employment where I was expected to be a generalist but was certainly no Renaissance scholar.

I was cut to the quick by a family member's vitriol this morning so sorry, you caught me at a low point.

I'll toddle off to bed if I can unwind enough.

I hope your musical adventures are continuing to sustain you.

Sorry @Dimity you had a bad experience this morning.

I dont like the expectations and snobbery in classical music.

My mother was also mean to me about music. I have a complex relationship with it, as //i can be triggered.

Tbh my neck condition is partly me pushing myself practising in my early 20s to catch up, when I was also working too much with toddlers and renovating. My mother only gave me one year of piano lessons. I did 1st grade then bumbled along myself, with a little input.

After my sister's death I did piano... 5th to 8th grade, I paid for lessons as an adult. Mother was pretty negative to me, witholding approval and gas lighting and I realised late in life.. my 40s that she was competitive in a way that I still am stumped by her behaviours. Just comprehending the level of her hostiliy and betrayal. I was such a naive idiot with her.

Its hard as music touches us so deeply.