Fragile

Much appreciated @Shaz51 we have known each other for a long time now.

💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏🦋🍎

Sure have my sister @Appleblossom 😊

https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p0mgh8gj/the-truth-behind-pennsylvania-dutch

good to reflect on languages, migration and changes in culture

@Appleblossom that lady who says she never does anything wrong, yet also gossips about her own having an affair --- i would find it very difficult too! Whilst I would tolerate (and probably roll my eyes internally) someone like that would never be allowed into my circle of friends or trusted people. Like yourself, I value integrity. And i don't think that is "judgey" -- she can choose to live her life how she wants, but I/others would not have to decide that is a person wanted in our closer connections.

I know you have mentioned boundaries a few times. Are you good at putting boundaries between your emotional investment (can be exhausting!) and showing care/support without getting pulled into the drama?

(This is something I became aware of for myself earlier this year, and realised i needed to be better at detaching from dramas in others whilst still being able to show care, support and help.)

@AlwaysMyself Thanks for reading and caring. Boundaries don’t come naturally to me, though I have been studying and talking about them. I really like the idea you expressed of separating emotional investment and caring behaviours. Will be working on it going forward.

I have usually been a bit burdened and bowed down by so much historical shame, so me taking the initiative and sense of opening up or considering “what is right “ is new. I was usually closed down by people with more status, Eg, my mother or nice girls. Yep, still learning as a senior. Having better relationships with same sex friends in last couple years. I am old. lol Better late than never.

🦋🌿💙🍎

@Cuddlebear @Shaz51 @Dimity @AuntGlow

@Appleblossom @AlwaysMyself

yep "needed to be better at detaching from dramas in others whilst still being able to show care, support and help"

I'm actually trying to work on this myself

Unfortunately when my person needs help most can be when they're most reactive which heightens the drama... they're not receptive but sometimes reflect later. Trying not to internalise either the initial drama or ensuing backlash or subsequent pathos and apologies is difficult but I'm finally starting to work on it.

@Appleblossom I hadn't commented on the secrets episode as I usually stay out of adult conversations. But adults can be immature and self-centred and "sinful," and perhaps those of us who've found ourselves observers rather than participants - and have some scruples lingering from formation - can feel shocked at times. But for myself I know I could just as well be from another planet.

Thanks @Dimity I appreciate whatever you choose to share or comment on, with no pressure. I gently wish you the best in your family dynamics. Yes big feelings can be a part of life and we all manage it differently. I figure I probably came from the same or similar planet to you. lol 🌏

but oh, but some say there is only life on this planet. Arms up in helpless gesture. lol…

@AlwaysMyself @Shaz51 @AuntGlow @Cuddlebear

around 2001, I left my husband and it took all I had just to survive and parent my son and teach and model active engagement but I didn’t really assimilate. I tried, but mostly I felt better living a, very simple solitary ascetic life with reading and music.

I guess my son became isolated, and that convinced me I needed to focus on more social stuff so it has been my big push these last 2 years. massive learning curve. I have so much fear and confusion about standing up to people. What is acceptable? What is calling for compassion and forgiveness? Others seem to be less bothered and more sure they are right about this that and the other. Anyway work in progress.

I had a good online last night with a group of peer mental health activists.

I had some email interactions yesterday, with one lady who had caused me grief socially, (the badly behaved psychiatrist, so at least that is being discussed and I don’t have to stuff my feelings down or pretend. People said my emails were good and maybe it will resolve reasonably over time.

I do care and have always cared.

Maybe it is just the newness and I will become more matter of fact about the people side of life. Forum folk have definitely helped. Grazias Muchos.

💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏🍎

@Appleblossom @AlwaysMyself

The lady who is talking about an affair as though it’s all ok is in my opinion very selfish. I wouldn’t trust anyone who is doing that or gossiping about it. I realise people make mistakes but without any remorse and change behaviour then really those people are not the ones who we can trust.

Like @AlwaysMyself said they wouldn’t be in my circle of friends.

Boundaries are not easy to learn and take time. I’ve spent most of my life people pleasing and have struggled with boundaries even when people do hurt me. I’m learning boundaries now but unfortunately lost a lot of so called friends as a consequence.

It’s never too late to start using boundaries. I’m glad you are trying different ways to set them in place. Those who truly love and care with respect the boundaries you set.

Hello Apple! 🍏 @Appleblossom

Did you make it to the sleep webinar tonight?

How are things sitting re: the woman you were telling me about?

I understand why rumination would be coming in to protect you, and using that as a sign that something feels unsafe is a good way to become curious about what you need. For example, what do you imagine will alleviate the anxiety you are feeling? Is it boundaries, like you mentioned? Clear communication? Perhaps some cognitive work, to unravel the dissonance?

It sounds like people really appreciate your musical abilities. How has playing felt this week? Give me the rundown! 🤩🎶

I am so glad the forums has helped you this much, it's truly amazing how wonderful this space is. 🥹