Fragile

Oh! @Appleblossom - so you know her on a social level! I thought she was treating you!

Yes @tyme Socially. My girlfriend can't stand her. I was nice cos we had a few connections in common, but she really got up my nose.

She also knew one of my old lecturers. We have the same alma Mater. I think she is finding it challenging to reconcile that both my parents had the so called Schizophrenia diagnosis. I told her January 15 months ago. Was it a mistake to disclose? I was just over shame and being careful... So am letting the cat out of the bag... These days

arghhhh @Appleblossom ... I can see how uncomfortable it may feel to have everything you say and do critiqued by a psych...

Stay away?

So I did the walk away approach all my life... @tyme Til I just ended up geurilla gardening, dreaming of digging my own grave, and then going on NDIS. Step away be polite...

I actually do have another option with a better ensemble which I am checking out end of April.

However the path and the group emerged in an organic manner a couple years ago.

But with the work I have done with my wonderful young support worker who also has a psychology degree but doesn't charge like a psychologist, is suggesting I needed to learn to stand my ground.

Eg I had similar bullying at my church... Bullies don't like being the butt of a joke, so last couple years I have been really struggling with it all, but the social reversals in the bully has shown me, that it is my SOUL WORK. It's a recurrent theme.

Honestly at my wit's end and praying about it a lot.

@Dimity @outlander

Hugs @Appleblossom .

Please take care and look after yourself. You do not need to let people walk all over you.

Humour is a great leveller @Appleblossom and in the right spirit need not be cruel or derogatory. Irony or even a little sarcasm has its place. If you've converted a bully well done you.

I have a relationship I need to reengineer as I can't walk away from it. Forbearance has been my aim but it's distressing so I'm seeking advice from a MH Social Worker.

I've not known psychiatrists socially but some teachers and academics set themselves on a pedestal and can be quite controlling.

Thank you @Dimity

The church lady who put me down also jeered about disabled people with her friend, but I now have enough friends, and learning to claim social space with energy, for her to learn to curb her tongue.

I guess hoping that everyone gets along is a bit childish. My support worker identified I was doing Shadow work, and I agree, and am working on my way of being in the social world, beyond being a good girl. Now I am claiming the right to have fun, not hurting anyone, but not taking on role of whipping post or scapegoat, which I did in the past.

The problem is that the field of music involved is fairly boutique. I really like the conductor, have friends in the group, so to leave because of an annoying person means I lose a lot.

I respect shadow work @Appleblossom but have lacked the emotional maturity and insight.

I remember asking HR for help with bullying and was accused of my own anger management issues. I took flight from the job. Freeze most usually, flight sometimes, were my pattern.

I understand re the music. One would have hoped the conductor took on more of a leadership and mentoring role and accepted responsibility for ensemble dynamics. If you've been lucky enough to have another ensemble on offer at least you'll have a choice, rather than giving up altogether. Perhaps you're more vulnerable to the psychodynamics when you have other stressors - as you do at the moment.

Cherish your support worker.

Actually I liked that the conductor was very collegial and said it to her today.

There are a few other professional musos in the group, so a lot of good quality. It is great doing music with good musos.

@Dimity

The problem lady needs to learn the discipline of classical music rehearsal manners. She is new to it. I am not. She disturbed group today by referring to a tv series which had the music, I let her know I did more music than TV watching. I think I made my point.

The conductor had earlier tried to rein her in by saying it was her last question and was still too polite to say she was wasting everyone's time.

The conductor comes from an ethnicity that has been generally demonised by the ethnicity of the badly behaved psychiatrist. It is tricky.

edited

Oddly, Sunday and Monday I had some good fun friendly moments with 2 different gay women in 2 vastly different music settings. Not coming on to me gay, but getting along with each other with teamwork and solidarity and humour and ethics and the integrity of older female camaraderie. They are both in commited relationships, so are the guys in the band. I have been so terribly neglected and misjudged by family. I have understated it

I am consoling my self practicing Pretty Woman. Has a cool bass line and melody with funky offset rhythms. Then will move on to Stabat Mater and Allegri Miserere... Holy week is coming up

.. with all its triggers...

I also can practice Proud Mary and be a boat chugging along the river of life. Don't go mad Apple, or do anything too stupid. Chart a steady course.

@Dimity @tyme @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @Till23 @Glisten @MissGremlin