Fragile

Thanks Bella

@Faith-and-Hope

Working with what is possible.

Ideals are for thinking.

Glad you checked in a bit, as I have barely known how things are going, but I know its still tough settling things.

It can get better, and I know you know that.

My son is talking to someone online. Its good just to hear that.

Love Apple

You have done so great with such difficult circumstances @Appleblossom ❣️. Sometimes “the brief” is just to survive them.

Jay (cat) has come to investigate why I am being weird …. lol. Planted his fuzzy butt on my chest.

D2 has made me some tea 👍

hello and hugs my @Appleblossom

8 years ago i came here and you were here to help me alll though these years xxx

hello @Former-Member , @outlander , @Dimity , @Faith-and-Hope , @amber22

@Faith-and-Hope My first cat was a Jai!

Just back from a walk with my son.

Went to a funeral of a friend's husband today. He was old, in poor health and died at peace.

Hugs @Appleblossom 🌷💕

Glad to hear how much you have grown and seen good change in ur life from using this forum

Isolation is hard but sometimes it feels safer and easier. Friendships can be hard when struggling with mental illbess/distress. Hard to open up when there is so much hurt inside

Glad u have this space and such a good crew. Seems some really nice people here who share creative interests and hope

Thanks @EternalFlower Somehow I missed the notification til now.

I guess the short of it, I just kept logging on instead of doing the dreadful deed. Am still here, not sure it is "worth it" as such, but now that I am still here, kinda feel I am here for the duration. Is that recovery? idk. I would not be that certain, but a lady I once knew and liked used the phrase, "here for the duration". She passed 15 years ago.

I had an interesting day yesterday. Played, conducted in small rehearsal, and had a crossing of swords, and checking out of who the hell are you ... to say I am wrong in a delicato musical scenario, I admitted, moved on, was humble, survived it and then gave as good as I got ... laughing at him, pointing errors, taking the mickey etc. But there was good will and respect as well.

In a weird way ... my ego is not in music. ... beyond a bit a Skyhooks ... 'Ego is not a dirty word'. We cant achieve or do anything without a bit of ego, but a bolshie clown has finally emerged in me, which is a relief after all the seriousness, physical pain I have endured and the grief. For me, music is medicine.

Today, a brief bit of singing in a musos work. Was fun, a big deal, massive orchestra, standing ovations. I was one of hundreds on stage. Stood between 2 lovely people and had a great catch up in the break.

My son came and we went to sushi train.

Tmrw is another day, but I am finally looking forward, and plans are unravelling and I do feel I have permission to enjoy the rest of my ride here on the planet. I probably will not log on as much as I have in the past. We will see ... not making promises.... will do what I need.

Hope you are doing alright. All we can do is support each other, to be there, so you are ready when opportunities do come knocking.

Hugs

Gently Bently

Apple

It's good to hear you're finding your milieu and a new sense of purpose through your music @Appleblossom ... more strength to your arm. Your posts are appreciated

Hi @Appleblossom I am really glad u are here.

I think your posts are beautiful and u write with honesty and integrity.

Some days seem endlessly bad....it is small things that help I find, too. Logging on. Checking in. I did a program at VMIAC called Check - In....apt.

Things shift sometimes after a lot of hardship. It is kinda awful tbh.

I'm glad music's helping u through .

I have a few workers now visiting me and checking in as NDIS workers . I kinda love it. I hate the rules of NDIS but the idea of seeing workers for activities and support rather than the clinical stuff makes a lot of sense. My worker is my age and we went for a coffee today which was nice. We go shopping. Or cook. Or just chat . But I needed it today

I had 2 1/2 years of support workers @EternalFlower I may not be here if not for the regularity. In tough times it was twice per week, then weekly, then fortnightly. Stopped it a few months ago. Life is full of challenges and surprises, but I am more robust now, than then. I really was terrible isolated, and it has been hard getting back into a social life. I have tried so many things and approaches and researched. Today a counsellor said I was on fire. I am somehow feeling I have a back bone and my vulnerability and neediness and tendency to say all the wrong things are falling away. I am not as nice, but a bit more funny.

Jeez ... the half smile meditation was a big stepping stone. From there to a full smile, then a belly laugh and then they became more frequent. It has been a very long journey ... and only you know what will tickle your funny bone. Now I have conversations most days with laughs, and nods and mutual connection. I know neighbours, local shopkeepers, people at church and in music. I needed to spread the net wide, as I was too vulnerable and needy, but a little from here and a little from there, and slowly it grows and adds up. Now my diary is filling up.

Enjoy time with supports! Make it work for you! Yes those non clinical activities are hugely important and healing.