Fragile

@Dimity I did a few subscription series, a different one each year for my son to experience a range of music and shows, we did a series of theatre, a series of opera, and a series of ballet. I am not a big fan of the big musicals etc. I dont mean to be a purist, but if I am going to spend my money on something it needs to be worthwhile. Lived on poverty line too long, as a mum too.

Thanks for your friendship it means a lot.

My 2nd support worker was fine about going on nature walks with me. The first and most recent were women and did not seem to like it. I felt there was no need to dress up to go on a local walk along a river or to a quiet beach. @Dimity

Another difficult night. My gentle pushback in trying for activities that are meaningful to me, not appreciated by so called old friend. I reach out on various topics etc, but feel required to be a certain and very limited way. We do not have much in common except for living close to each other as children. Different strengths and coping styles. I have copped many earfuls. Tired of it. Do not need to be looked down upon.

How unfortunate to be looked down upon @Appleblossom , life isn't a jostling for position with some superior or more entitled, although a few may believe so. Maybe a broader picture is more like tessellations, with friends accommodating different facets of our personalities and interests.

I like the idea of tessellations. @Dimity Thanks again.

have walked on basalt tesselated pavement... near organ pipes .... on a field trip ... ha ha music and science.

This person goes back 50 years, but on again and off again and very different personalities and temperament. I do have to hold firm boundaries with her. She has no education and heaps of seething anger very close to the surface. She agreed not to force me to get drunk once but then later talks about party poopers. In many ways we are chalk and cheese. I dared to make the statement that I did not want to be shamed for being on dsp, that is not my idea of a fun day out. It is a theme in a few different friendship groups. Somehow I am back swimming in the current of life, where I had been out of it for up to 7-8 years. So need to face upo to these social realities. Trying to navigate it best way I can.

Back in the mainstream of life @Appleblossom ? Sometimes it seems easier to go with the flow. But I must admit I pushed back against my neighbour yesterday - I know he's lonely so usually I let him talk but his take on current affairs is so often uneducated and ill-informed, and quite misogynistic.

@DimityI tend to go with the flow mostly. There is wisdom in it, but not at the expense of being real and authentic. If we have to agree and nod to stuff we find difficult to tolerate, there is a point at which to pull a face, or use gesture to indicate doubt or not complete agreement. Standing up and standing firm is new.

A lady I had to stand up to last year is still able to have neighbourly laughs with me, or did so today. I have stronger energy when I am out and about. Had a few mini laughs at supermarket. Dimity, I was so vulnerable for 50 years, my existence felt totally strained beyond barely doing the essential interactions and friendly manners. I guess life was just too hard for fun bits. For a while I felt it was my family and I had no sense of humour, but my son and daughter were beautiful in primary school and tried to show me things to make me laugh. Always love them for that. Now I have more freedom in what I say, and can somehow be jovial.

Also keep praying "God help me".

Are you OK @Appleblossom ?

Would this help?

https://youtu.be/mhSXhzkBq0M

R U OK @Appleblossom , sitting with you xxxx and if you want to talk about anything, I am here

And @Dimity , @Faith-and-Hope , @outlander , @Former-Member xx