Fragile

Yes @Appleblossom

I was unaware that you are isolating also..

You know Jacques well..

We write to each other around isolating and what is happening in our day as a way of supporting each other..

Isolating is something that is not discussed openly or understood as is not really understood by ourselves...

For me it is my mind and body reacting from my feelings more than my thoughts..

Please join in our conversation also if you feel comfortable in doing so..

Motherhood ...is very much an experience of egg shell walking expertise...

For parent and child...

Another enigma around how does it get to this stage...

Unwell minds certainly do not help..

I am learning also that my son is a young man...individual...very much comfortable in his own space...loves his own company...interests..

If I only get to see him in small bursts...currently dinner at our place once a fortnight...that is what it is..

Do talk to him on the phone briefly..

he prefers the two to three word text message scenario.....how are you?

I believe that you son is going through the process of being an individual as well as a son...

He is most likely thinking more about himself then mother son relationship...

You will not lose him Apple...Your love is there within him always..

Yes I feel safe when I see your name appear..

I am hoping that you will drop in on the writing thread when you can even if it is to leave some of that dry humour of yours which cracks me up..

Better than any medicine or therapy..

You are very important as a friend to me also..

Love Sophia

(love is a strong bond connection...a spiritual feeling that I sense...if you are uncomfortable with the term let me know and I will not use..I use it differently to others)

💜

@Sophia1

Your 2 boys probably have some of the polarising dynamic that occurs among my 3 children.

I just wrote a little about it to @Historylover on her thread.

I am aware that most of my son's energy & attention is to building his own sense of identity. That is as it should be. Last night he told me a few times he loved me.

Regarding friendships and love. That is fine. There is the old concept of agape which is love of all human kind or Buddhist compassion for all living beings .... and then there are deeper specific resonances. Glad to know you Bella. Dont worry, but cannot spare time for creative fantasy right now.

Thank you @Appleblossom

Lovely when we hear the words...love you mum..

All well...

Yes there is definitely a polarising issue between the two boys...

there are many parallels between myself and older son that astound me every time that they occur..

Both of my sons are sensitive and deep like myself...

Their father who loves them strongly ...has different parenting ideas to me...different everything to me except humour..hence marriage did not last..

Will check out history lover ...

Have to go for my first pfizer today..

No problem re writing thread...need to be in the headspace...

will find you wherever you are ...Bella is a beautiful name...play on words there...

Sophia 💛

@Appleblossom - perhaps it was you some time ago who mentioned the not-so-nice women you encountered at u3a. If so, that was my experience too. A clique and when you can take no more of trying to fit in, you drop out and then they think it reflects on you - but "you will always be welcome to return'. Sure. And then more back-stabbing and gossip. Am I becoming embittered?

Yes it was me @Historylover

No longer caring what that type of person thinks of me. Mind you it does make a difference in life as we are social beings, but I am learning to be more guarded, and do refer to that kind of antisocial behaviour more proactively these days. That said, I just had a wonderful conversation out in my street, with a l regular visitor, while I was gardening. I often see his car so said hello today. So I have not given up all hope yet.

You're so lucky to have family @Appleblossom. I have no-one and really don't know if I'll ever have trust in anyone again. I'm not trying anymore.

What others think of us, indeed!! How convenient that they are held in a clique by collaboration with others who are content to backstab and gossip. It keeps them safely ensconced in their coccoon. I only want to have conversations which are intelligent and don't infringe on others' right to privacy and happiness - and just have some fun!! Is it possible or am I a dreamer? Where do I find decent people in real life who are prepared to take me on as warts and all as I am prepared to do for them?

I have a lovely young - by comparison - neighbour who is very undeservedly single. I'd love to get to know her as it takes people of all ages to make the world go around, but I think she may prefer people who are more her own age. We chat from time to time. She's delightful. I find other friendship groups are more like dating groups - and that isn't what I'm looking for.

I am currently trying to put together my annotated bibliography and wish I could be availed of your vast experience - across the table! I'll just plod on and hope for a pass at least! The assignment is so particular in its requirements.

Just whinging...

Sending best wishes.

Good morning @Appleblossom @Historylover @Anastasia

The sun is apparently appearing today..

I am off to a carers lunch...in a part of the hills that is much colder...

Am looking forward to the outing as there are a couple of friends who love to laugh..

Lovely to escape from real world within the real world..

I have found a way to continue laughter on occasions and let go temporarily of the load..

I will send some of that laughter across to you all.

Laughter is for sharing ..laughter multiplies

Sophia

Thanks @Sophia1

Hope carers lunch goes reasonably. I have been to a few over the years and mixed experiences. Yet at least it is good to be stand up and be counted in that role.

I have 2 medical appointments, and heaps of plants to put in at physio garden.

Love the abundance of Spring.

Peaceful Distraction ....

@Historylover

Hearing you about biblios! ... sigh ...but keep studying as long as it works for you. Being a life long learner, is a healthy way to live, keeps one humble about what one does not know, and keeps the mind alive as it gains new skills and insight. Its a win win ... until its not ... I also balance out adding to my HECS debt and whether there will be a net benefit ... Played recorder this morning. Will try the sopranino, which I have never bothered about before ... so thats something new.

Hearing you about local community and younger relationships. Its good you see the good in her. What may unfold, happens over time.

One thing I am lucky for is that I have been in one place for 20 years, rather than the disrutpions of my childhood. It enables the relationships to gradually accumulate. Also I am less needy and that often helps as I do not over invest myself too quickly, as I may have in young adulthood.

Sadly I do not have any family as support. The fact of my life is that my family really was not effective in supporting me for a whole host of reasons, due to being dead, or broke, or suffering mental illness, or being preoccupied with their own narrow nuclear family and being too competitive, successful in society, but guilty about the deaths they did not try and prevent, so building walls around their little consciences. In many ways I am a self made woman. That I survived at all is almost a miracle.

I share with Sophia concern over an adult make son. It is hard work, but without blame for him. It is the way it is. Life is not a level playing field.

Enjoy your lunch dear @Sophia1 I'm living my day vicariously through you 😎🍇🍉🍍☕🌅

I had surgery yesterday, resting today x

@Appleblossom @Anastasia

Will respond tomorrow

always tires me out Carer lunches

driving to new places in hills and getting lost.
hope operation went well for you ..take it slowly..💜❤️💕