Fragile

@Appleblossom

Had to look that word up myself @Appleblossom - interesting thought ...DBT certainly helped me be able to recognise and name emotions.

@Zoe7

I remember you saying you were doing DBT.

I did not feel I could justify massive psych costs in our family budget (out of pocket costs approx $50 pw) so I have tried to use my education to sift through the internet free resources. I am old now, and still open to learning. I would have done it if anyone had suggested it, but somehow I do fall between the cracks, as was proved to me when I was told I could have some support at the PARC, but it was refused in a really strange and really rude manner. Its not that I am too proud to ask for help, or make mental illness the other person's problem. I do own my vulnerabilities.

I also got a funny feeling about the lady who developed DBT and was wary about the massive international roll out, so saw it as a bit dodgy. Some one off poster on this forum about 5 years ago who told me DBT was gold standard like I was a complete idiot, also turned me off it.

There you go. I am not all in my head. I do have feelings and am learning to listen to sift through and listen to them. I thought it better for me to work with more trauma informed and Narrative and Schema Therapy models, than push for DBT for me even tho they have it at a local private hospital. 10 mins away.

If my son was ever interested or offered it, I would have backed and paid for it, but that has not happened. I have long struggled with offering to pay for things for him to feel happy, and he just rejects it all ... including holidays and plane trips. He wants to be happy on his terms and I love him for that. Just our weird circumstances.

Hey @Appleblossom I did not have to pay directly for DBT or follow up pdoc appointments as it was all covered under my private health insurance - both being conducted in the hospital as an outpatient. I absolutely would not have been able to afford to do it privately. Whilst it did help me a lot it was also not what helped the most - that was the ongoing support I had (here being part of that). Being able to share things with all you guys and the ongoing support from my team externally really has been the biggest contributions to where I am now ...and returning to work certainly helped too.

I do not believe DBT is for everyone - I myself was very reluctant in the beginning and did 'pick and choose' what I took on board and worked from along the way. There were also 'issues' with a few members along the way - some that should not have been there as they were not in a headspace to do what was needed and treated it as a 'counselling' session. That was both frustrating and at times triggering but our facilitator was amazing and encouraged those people to 'take a break' when they were not coping with everything. That was both for their benefit and that of the group - and as hard as it is for everyone to see someone have to leave it was harder to be seeing the same things happen each week. There was no lack of empathy nor support for those people but the idea of the program is to be able to move forward and those few people were not at the stage that they could do that at the time and everyone's energies were being put into supporting those people rather than working on themselves - that my seem a bit harsh but the program is only successful for everyone if they also feel comfotable and supported to change/improve/move forward.

I do agree with you that sometimes what we learn for ourselves is the most valuable. I do love that you continue to learn and love doing so - that is a sign of someone that wants to continue to self-improve and is very admirable. We never stop learning ...and along the way we find ways that we do that best for ourselves - what works, what doesn't and we find new interets/ways of doing things along the way 👍

You Apple have never stopped being there for your son and even when he has not or does not want any help you have accommodated his wishes - no doubt it is hard to see all that along the way rejected but his independence is important to him ...some people are too proud to accept help in any form but continuing to offer that shows your love I don't see your circumstances as weird - just different dynamics at play - which all families have in one way or another. You love your boy and that is all that matters

Thanks @Zoe7

I can imagine ... I did a year of weekly group training in psychodrama direction & sociometry ... they had clear Personal Development and Professional Development strands and I did a year of both ... I did it before birth of my boy (1990). It is part of why I persisted with the forum .. as that knowledge had to bear some fruit ... I paid enough for it.

Son's father is a great believer in private health ... coming from the states ... its almost a religion over there....the good thing is that, as my husband he did allow me to do various trainings ...as a weekly outing away from full time family duties .... he was struggling against his schizophrenia diagnosis at the time and working in IT.... and in a way ... tho the marriage failed ... we did achieve a lot. I had started teaching an hour here & there at the time as well.

My son eventually tested out a few private "top" pdocs, but was so sorely dissappointed when he actually needed the guy when he was in hospital.... that he is no longer interested. Money is necessary but money does not buy everything.... important life lessons.

Son popped out of his room this morning and told me he was going back to gym tmrw as they are finally open after lockdown. Right now he is playing a new Bach prelude and fugue twd a private qualification. I have told him I believe his intelligence and boredom will stop him from being in his room too long, as there are so many other things to do. He knows that now.

I have researched DBT online and see lots of value ... just am a wary of medicine as an industry ... rather than as physician inspired ... current Covid and vaccine crises ... seem to highlight some of those issues too. I am grateful for my education and access to the net.

Cheers Bella

@Appleblossom @Zoe7

I have always liked Kerry O'Brien. Another who lost a sibling to suicide.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-06-18/kerry-obrien-heads-to-albury-wodonga-winter-solstice/100225330

sending lots of hugs @Appleblossom

@Appleblossom The current increase of age for the AstraZeneca vaccine gives us more questions than answers. We cannot get the pfizer vaccine from our GP and there is at least a months wait for it at the hospital clinic - very frustrating. Of course I am lucky to be living where I do and so it is not imperative to get it soon.

I totally agree - money is necessary but does not buy everything. It can be a barrier to finding/paying for what is needed but even once that is done it is the individual that does what they do with the resources at their disposal. Happiness certainly cannot be bought (although my little Clover has brought me so much joy along with my other fur babies).

@Mazarita