Fragile

Sorry about the loss of your brother. @Shaz51 How old were you at the time? Younger or older ... makes a difference. How do you think it has effected you?

I knew you had not given birth to your own children.but you were strong about your successful step parenting and had received admiration. I tended to get nil responses or comments that people could not relate to compexity of my situations, I felt vulnerable, had to back away and be quiet, as it was not something I could boast about even though I had given much time (16 years), dedication, forgiveness, and effort to stretch myself to learn new things.

I know you did not have lived experience of mental illness or evolved understanding of the concepts involved, apart from your "caring" role. I always got the feeling you were normal and he was not. One normal and one not can magnify the differences. I am wary of that kind of black and white thinking, as I have not felt included enough in life to be comfortable that I or any of my family are "normal". What is the 'normal' replace that with human/biological response to ... such and such ... is my questioning.... about so many things ...

We're all mad here

need some music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojX3ef2Gfgc

very interesting my sister @Appleblossom

my brain is going 100 miles an hour here thinking and deciding what to write down

there is 5 years between me and my brother which my dad never really wanted

he emotionally and mentally abused me making me think does he really love me at all

mum and i left as i was soo sick but he kept rejecting me as we live in the same town until his death

my cousin who is 2 years younger then me has lived with me for years and we have alsways been so close and i have look at her as my sister i never had

3 years ago now my sister /cousin has passed away and i had not been able to say a real goodbye due to family

what is normal -- i am a step mum but i don`t feel like i am their mum

someone told me that " there is something wrong with me " ha ha

yes my mr shaz and his 4 children all have some degree of Mental illness and I think i am in there too acording to mr shaz

@Faith-and-Hope , @Zoe7 , @Mazarita , @eth , @Jacques , @Emelia8 🙏❤

How about some Pumpkin Soup, for a cold windy evening (here it is) @Shaz51

A huge big pot of it, with plenty for everyone - That's what they do at my fortnightly MH Social Lunch function.

@Shaz51

I really appreciated your first response and that you slowed your brain enough to make some sense of my long post. We have known each other for years. I am glad you had the closeness of a cousin/sister. It would certainly be difficult growing up with a rejecting father. I think my mother was the more rejecting parent for me, but really both were very unavailable I was used to being invisible. Somehow felt safer than being seen.

I guess there are many different types of blended families and step parenting.

It sounds like your little brother may have been a SIDS baby or died in childbirth. Did your mother talk about him a lot? It would have been hard for you both.

I managed to steam black beans in the pressure cooker and cut and glued the felt letters onto the little aqua bag, but not up for much else today.

Feeling quietened and sad. Time to pull my head in.

It is very cold and blustery here.

Love and hugs @Appleblossom ❤❤☕☕🥰

Sending you so much love and huge hugs @Appleblossom 💖💖💖💖💖

@Shaz51 No kids for me either but love my fur babies as if they were kids 👍💖

Learned a new word today @Zoe7

Alexithymia ... which fits me and is something I have spoken about before ... apparently it is normal in my kind of circumstances!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw9MRD3LiZM

yes @Appleblossom , @Zoe7 , i have had lots and lots of furbabies in my life

and with childcare , i was second mum to about 200 children from the aged of 6 weeks old until they were 14 years old , now seeing them have children of their own

and then there is the 4 step children who are all adults now