Fragile

So very, very sorry for your recent loss of someone so close to you @Appleblossom It hurts indescribably

@Maggie @outlander @Zoe7

Thank you for your warmth and support now and in the past.

I had a good discussion with physio about respiratory issue, hypertension and meds. It was worthwhile. She said she had been concerned at my heart rate and breathing on our bike tests, and she felt my heart was working too hard. When I explained that a side effect of my med was depressed respiratory function, she sighed as she did not realise I was on such meds. She is a very well trained and tuned in physio. I am not jumping to conclusions or stopping them quickly. I will continue discussion with pdoc later in week.

@Appleblossom She sounds like a really good physio. Sounds like a good plan, talking to pdoc later. I hope it works out, you have so much to deal with.

Sending 💚💚💚

@Appleblossom 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

Thank you team @Zoe7 @Maggie @outlander

It really helps, it makes a difference to fell you have my back.

Tmrw is a really big day cos I also remembered its my brother who suicided anniversary. I told my supt wkr and she suggested I remember him on my walk, but limit it somehow. I brought out a ohto of him today and added a pic of us enjoying each other mucking around. It is probably the only one in existence but we also had a lovely and loving aspect to our relationship along with all the s&^%!

It is also my son's tribunal and my pdoc appoint to discuss those meds I am getting leery of. I really do have lots of palpitations and weird heart murmury things going on, so we will see what my doc says and does.

So 3 big things.

Its been a big month actually.

Big GRATITUDE to Sane Forum and everyone on it.

Sending care and support your way @Appleblossom

I hope you are able to spend some time doing something your brother would have enjoyed doing with you. We are here for you if you need any extra support.

Colin Davis ... wow he is 92 ... was 88 at time of talk

Grieving and Mourning: The psychology of Bereavement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8smGSjIOXls

Notes:

i) Loss orientation ... looking back ... pining for lost person

ii) Adapting to a different world ... practical looking after kids ... recognition of assumptive world ... assume to be true

oscillating between 2 ways of thinking ... looking back and facing current reality

Darwin: expression of grief ... muscles of grief

photo baby ... expelling sound with closed larynx ... red face ... crinkled eyes and clenched fists

searching ... natural ... from babyhood ...

grief in adulthood ...tho realise death is final ... crying out loud and to search ... natural behaviours

neuro ... reward centre lights up when sharing pictures of lost person ... then pleasure cancelled out remember pain of loss... unconsious ...

grief the price of love

Bowlby attachment .. Tavistock mentor ... singing as an attachment behaviour ... well well well! makes sense

Totally behind his distinction between assumptions and reality .. tables chairs

assumptive world ... turned upside down

loss ... healed when realise the bond and relationship we carry in our memories and in reminders

My grief thesis was before these talks about 2010.

@Appleblossom I’ll be thinking of you today, as you remember your brother. What is there to say for such loss and pain. Much 💙💙💙 to you. Holding you close.

Also hoping your sons tribunal goes as well as you can hope for.

Its a huge day ahead for you. I hope talking things through with your pdoc is helpful, and some answers to your own health problems are heard and acted on.

I hope for gentle moments,, as you walk through today Apple.