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AppleblossomSenior Contributor
For a while I have tried to find a thread I had started when I joined the forum that could be a "home" thread for me.
Being busy about the forum has been a coping style, where I can acknowledge all my different life experiences that had been silenced. Possibly do some good and prevent things from getting worse. Like the little boy with the finger in the dyke.
Feeling fragile
Needing Nurture
In response to: Fragile
MaggieSenior Contributor
@Appleblossom I saw this and thought of you.
In response to: Fragile
Zoe7Senior Contributor
That is really hard @Appleblossom I hope you are spoiling yourself this afternoon - plenty of self care needed and reaching out here when you need. Tag me anytime Apple - here for you 
In response to: Re: Fragile
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Thank you @Maggie @Zoe7 @Owlunar @mudsum @Former-Member
The girl who died had convinced my friend she would follow through, so I think that was really difficult for her to carry. My friend had visited me and my son but could not relate to children, or my life. She was flat out at work and now moved across town and worried about super. My experience was always more on the edge. Even from that small cohort of girls in Sr A's physics class ... I had the more suicidal one attached to me. I got the suicide call when I was 19 from work, before even my siblings had been hospitalised or died. My friend is probably less judgmental of me now. I knew my story freaked her out. She was more protected. This other lady had 2 children, career and husband, but was worried about being a burden ... why are the pressures put on people so high? Maybe just a good convent upbringing and highly strung girls??
We both also admitted our own SI struggles, but neither of us have tried and we are both are doing well at the moment.
Today I lay off the paving and wore nicer clothes to physio. Did my exercises and just a light touch in the garden. Played piano for nearly 3 hours. Ate healthy.
So many different feelings and confusions about what I am supposed to do with my time. WIth me. Work hard. Til I drop but then I get up. Still standing ... Feeling worried I should not be too good at piano or look too good ... do a lot of self punishing. Getting too old for it now.
Just good to be able to post here and share and know you care.
In response to: Re: Fragile
outlanderSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Fragile
Zoe7Senior Contributor
It is great you have this outlet when you need it @Appleblossom ...and yes we do care - very much so I look back a few years and see how far you have come, how much kinder you are to yourself and how much more positive your outlook on life is - that is truly amazing Hon and you have done all that yourself ...super proud to know you
In response to: Re: Fragile
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
@outlander
Just noticed that I have known you over 3 years. WOW
A lot of understanding and friendship takes time.
How are you today?
In response to: Re: Fragile
outlanderSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Fragile
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
@Zoe7
I know I was pretty thorny.Thanks for perservering. You showed me some positive things to aim for.
There were a few really bad years with my son, but he is growing up, and I am feeling a lot more hopeful for him.
In response to: Re: Fragile
Zoe7Senior Contributor
It is wonderful that your son is moving forward @Appleblossom - it must give you both peace of mind and hope Apple - 2 great things to have.
You were never 'thorny' Hon - struggling like most of us and not seeing a way forward yourself but that has changed so much and it really is lovely to see. I always loved our conversations and you gave me a lot to think about through them - and it was built upon mutual respect and that was very much appreciated.
In response to: Re: Fragile
OwlunarSenior Contributor
Wow @Appleblossom
I think you are being hard on yourself - I have known you for 4 years now and from the beginning you have been an example for me - and I often wish I had throught to write what you have
But you had a hard start - harder than my start and I have shared my displeasure with some of the parenting I received - you had it really tough though and through your whole life it seems
And you are a Community Elder here - which seems to me to be a really fitting title for you - you have so much to share and you give so much
I want to vote 1 for Apple - whatever the subject - I think you are great and a really fine example for the rest of us
Dec
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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