Returning home from mhu

Great you are home @Chris. Do you have a well set up place for 3 generations? My place is small but there are 2 wings which kind of helps as we spend a lot of time here.

Sometimes I have felt annoyed when I forget to write down my subjective assessmemts too. But you right ... its meant to help deal with mood issues and not to be stick to beat yourself with.

Take care.

Hi appleblossom

My son has what was the entertainment room. His bed and sofa bed. His own tv. The girls have their own room. I have lots of craft, painting books to read and colouring in books, and dvd's. Outside they have bikes, scooters, swings and large trampoline. So as you can see plenty to do.

But they are mostly in with us, unless my son takes them out, or it all gets too much for us. I eather retreat to my room and lock the door. Or my husband takes me out. Usually to the beach for coffee.

They will be here christmas day late in the afternoon, untill late Sunday.

Plan now is to make short list of what i have to do tomorrow.

Is there a way to signal your needs before you get stressed? Is your partner and son sensitive to that or argumentative? Are there any sense of limits for the girls when they visit ... eg noise levels .. running in house etc?

Well, its like this appleblossom. The older of the girls who is six can be a real handful. She is very argumentative if she can't get her own way.As well as getting on her tablet to let her mum know she cant get her own way, ang grandma and grandad are being mean to her. She will ofton tell her mum blatant lies.

I have had to learn to take a step back and let my son do the disaplining. I did say to him a few days ago that they both need to go to pzrenting classes so they are on the same page. The trouble is the girls get away with alot with their mother and grandmother (who live with them) my son tries but is not consistant.

As far as my husband and I are concerned we expect good manners and respect, and quiet honestly most of the time its an uphill battle. I cant take both the girls out on my own (neither can my son)because this child will alway run off, so i refuse to take her out. My rule is you run off we go straight home. Last ime we went out with my son, she ran off on him while in the supermarket. I caught up with her and made her sit on a chair, along with a reminder of the consequences.

For me, it stresses me out because i was brought up so strictly. Children are seen and not heard. Speak when your spoken to. You do as your told the first time. You never answer back. So it well and truely triggers me.

There are no easy answers.

You are right @Chris there are no easy answers .. and it seems the girls will lose as well if they lose the stabilising influence of both paternal grandparents.

The shift in attitudes and rights from one generation to another has been huge. Social change over the last century massive.

I tried to be very child focussed in parenting and in teaching, but I am not seeing happier children for it.

Personally I was not allowed to set limits with my children ... and have mainly learned through my teaching practise over 30 years from a range of different approaches in different families and with different kids. They do need limits boundaries or whatever you want to call them .. they can then spend their childhood learning good skills for life instead of wasting everybody's time, their own included.

There must be some balance struck. The older girl is misusing her power, it would be so much better if she could use it in growing maturity ..

it is crazy that you have to go into mhu to get respite from a child who is deliberately being naughty ...

Of course there needed to be an adjustment from the old days where children were not allowed to be heard at all ... but allowing kids to manipulate parents and grandparents is socially very very expensive .... sure to lead to problems for the young 6 year old in question.

The rise in autism seems to be a way of pathologising this same issue ... I dont know .. anything ..but to keep conversing about it .. I hope to give you some sense of support personally and open the eyes of young professionals who are lacking in 'lived experience' .... and WISDOM.

Well on a brighter note I ventured out to the shops. Not too bad really, i thought it would have been much busier. I was in and out of shops.My granddaughter who is seventeen, her necklace broke that had her pendant attached that i bought her when she was twelve. God love her she never takes it off.By the fime i bouvht cleaner and polishing cloth and the new chain, i could have bought the set cheaper. But its the centemental value, and it means alot to me that it means so much to her.

I was out about two hours and felt really exhusted when i got home. But i felt like i had achieved alot. So tomorow i have to make this cake, well most of it take two days because it has to be refridgerates inbetween doing layers. And have to tackle some housework.

My husband has asked me to do the shopping on Thursday!

Sounds like a special cake ... lovely and yum.

I avoid the shops .. just my little local supermarket.

Just thought I would clarify my mhu. Back in August my gp sugested that i see my psychiatrist as i had told him I had no motivation at all all through the winter. I just couldn't get off the bed. He thought that i may have seasonal depression.

I didnt do that, i thought i would wait a bit longer in the hope the better weather i would improve. About two months later my husband saw our gp and aired his concerns. It was at least another six weeks when i had to see him again, and he told me of my husbands concerns. I was open with him and told him exactly how i felt, and he was more insistant that i see my psychiatrist.

During all this time i was seeing my psychologist . I felt totally overwhelmed and exhusted. I felt i had to stay out of hospital no matter what. I felt i had to keep trying to use the dbt skills. Sometimes i felt it help others not so much.

During this time i also experienced hearing voices, something that hadn't happened before. It wasnt untill i mentioned it to a nurse who then told me to tell my dr, which i did. He told me i was experiencing psychoses and increased one of my other medications.

I dont know what made me ring the psychiatrist on the Monday. It was like i was all out of trying, i had nothing left. Much to my surprise i was able to gain an appointment for that afternoon. One of the first things he said was that my antidepressants had stopped working (i had been on it for about five years) and i needed to be in hospital for the changeover. And then he went on to say that i really needed a rest.

He is very aware of our ongoing family situation. At the end of the admission he said i have to stop being so stoic, and keep him up to date on whats going on so he can get me in to see him the same day if necessary.

I guess through all of this i have learned i need to ask and accept help sooner rather than later. Not easy though.

It is great that you are feeling better @Chris and feeling like you have been heard.

It sounds as if you developed a tolerance to your old antidepressants. We all make our choices based on what we believe is the best thing.

It sounds as if you have been able to develop a good relationship with your doctor over time. it helps when things are stable enough to have good long term health professionals to consult.

Different people often need different things but sometimes we are all very alike.

Best wishes shopping and cake making and all the other things you do.

So surviving the last week. Hardest time has been the last three days with the girls.I've never known a six year old like this one. We had a really good day with them Sunday. Took them to a play centre had lunch there then another hours play. Did a bit of shopping and bought them ice blocks. Home an hours rest for me them started cooking with them. (Slice) then miss six started. Very disrespectful, calling us liars rang her mother to come and get her. We're back to being mean Grandma and granddad . I lost it and told her she can't show respect to us and our home then she is not welcome here. She stopped for about two seconds to think about it. I just can't handle her bad moods I find her moods very triggering. I ended up going to my room, trying to unwind. I told my son this morning that there is no way they will be staying for a week at a time in school holidays. Three nights is the maximum they will stay, and even that's too long.

It has left me feeling drained and exhausted and very sensitive to noise.

Theres no easy answer to this, but I do know I have to look after myself, or I will end up back in hospital.