BabyDragon's Den

Okay @Zoe7,

I'll start with my mum, I'm going through conflictions as I'm not close and have alot of anger towards her because of my childhood trauma that I suffered and I blame her for alot of it but I can help but feel sorry for her at the moment and I worry about her because her partner who I don't like is really sick and might not make it and my mum is struggling because it's the first guy who made her truly happy even if he is a drug dealer. I just don't know what to do like I have never seen her like this and I want to be there for her but there is also a part of me that just wants to leave her on her own like she did to me

Your natural empathy is coming out @Former-Member and even though your mum wasn't capable of looking out for you when you needed it - now you are both adults and you want to support her - I think this is natural for you but I can see the conflict going on for you too. I suppose what you need to weigh up is can you be there for your mum and still look after yourself at the same time. You need to be the priority - this is not being selfish or self-centred - it is self-care - and that is paramount here. Maybe it is more of a case of 'hanging back' a little and if your mum asks for help or support then that is when you can be there for her.

Yeah @Zoe7, I suppose, it's just hard to find the balance that makes me feel OK.

My next issue is my sister she had a miscarriage about a month ago and now she has just found out that she is pregnant again but her and her partner are having alot of issues and they struggle now to make ends meet with 3 children will they make it with 4. I try to help them but they are very immature with money impulse buying for the kids and themselves and often need help to put food on the table. I love them but I don't know how much more I can help them out

This is a really big one @Former-Member I can imagine that your sister would be grieving the loss of the baby whilst also being excited about being pregnant again. All you can do here is what you are capable of - it is hard when you see family struggling under pressures that they have made for themselves. Maybe having a sister to sister chat about budgetting might be some help and if you can see that they are going down the same road quietly but firmly let them know that you are struggling too and you can't keep helping as you have done before. I know that is hard because it is often the kids that miss out then but they need to take ownership of where they are at financially themselves too.

@Zoe7, I get what your saying but it's hard I practically raised my siblings and its hard to see that they are struggling I have always felt obligated to help them. I have a hard time trying to step back and let them grow knowing that they are adults and that I should let them learn but it is difficult when the lesson means they have to struggle

Yeah I get that @Former-Member I wouldn't let my sister struggle either if she was and I could help her. Luckily she is not in that boat - it is more her helping me lately. I suppose this is one thing you have to continue to do and recognise that although you don't like why you are doing it that you are doing it because you do love your sister and want her to be happy - sometimes that is enough no matter what the reason is you feel you have to do it.

Yes @Zoe7 I suppose that's right

We seem to be on a roll here tonight @Former-Member - what else is getting you down - what is going on with your boy?

Yes @Zoe7 we do seem to be on a roll don't we.

My Boy is nothing major just naughty behaviour and some asthma issues just with everything else it's getting hard to deal with.

My nephew has been in and out of hospital the last few weeks they thought he had chicken pox then discovered that it is actually an allergic reaction but no idea to what. It putting alot of strain on my brother who wants to stay at the hospital with him but has to work.

Oh that is really tough on your brother @Former-Member I would want to stay at the hospital too - so hard to have to leave your child and go to work. I suppose your nephew is in the best hands and it isn't life threatening so that should help your brother when he has to work - but incredibly tough to deal with!

Is your son being naughty at home or at school? Is there a reason you can see for his bad behaviour or is it just out of the blue? How old is he?