My Nut shell

I tell myself that everything's going to be ok,
that there is no reason for all this pain.
The time it took to change, the time it took to
see all those mistakes.
The life I had, I can't have back. The choices I made,
affected me in all those ways.

The mistakes I made have not been forgotten.
The tears I shed, the sounds I made, the feelings
that left me feeling in a different way.
Yet I can't see why these tears feel so unreal.
I'm not the same, my words are unsaid.
What I hide, is buried deep inside.

To know, to love, to breathe.
It hurts to know that I'll never be the
girl I used to be. The one that would always laugh,
the one that you knew would always be strong.
The feeling is real, the truth is sealed.
I cry in the dark, cuz I know I cut too deep.

The blood is like the rain,
in every way it drifts away.
The scars are real, but the wounds in the heart
are another mark.
If you only knew what I've been through,
or maybe you could take a walk in my shoes.

I'm not fake, I'm not a doll,
I just don't think I'm the same in any way.
So where did my soul go?
Why did I ever let it runaway?
What happened to that girl?

The one that could make you laugh,
the one that would always take you out?
What happened to that girl,
cuz I'm lost without her?
I'm no longer me, the mistakes changed me,
but did they change her?
If only I would know.

The memories keep flooding back,
But not one by one.
It's never that easy.
Each of them, chained up,
A mosaic of brokenness,
Squeezing through my mind.
Their sharp, crooked edges
Scraping against the walls of my brain.
Each one, different in shape,
But familiar in pain.
They scratch against my innocence,
Scarred.
Something that can never be taken back.
Never to heal.
And when a shred of light or happiness
Begins to dance through my brain,
It cannot help but notice the scars around each corner,
Waiting,
Grinning,
A constant reminder,
An annoying linger and itch.
Never to go away

sitting with you @Jojo2