How do you tell you signifcant other about your MI/Thoughts

Hi @Snowie .....

Only answer this question if you are comfortable to .....

Does your hubby know what happened to you that caused your mi to emerge the way it has ?

@Faith-and-Hopehe knows about the work place things.

He knows that I was SA as a child but not who or what exactly happened.

@Snowie The situation for me is somewhat different, however, I tend to start with something small to 'test their reactions' sort of thing, and so I don't overwhelm myself and just shut down entirely.

I guess I would call it practicing for a bigger voice part in a later production type of thing. (not meaning to minimise anything here, sometimes role playing is the only way I can approach the idea of being open about my 'stuff).

I might start with something like, 'Not feeling great today, dear one.'.

Their response might elicit more from me, but I have to be able to 'hide' from view, if that makes sense.

In the past, I've hidden under tables, desks, and shawls in order to hide the shame and to not see the shock and pity on the faces of those I'm talking to.

Was this the sort of suggestion you meant, or have I got it all wrong?

Thanks @Teej @Former-Member for your replies.

I guess that is something I don't know. I don't know how he can support me. I also think that I hold so much shame, guilt and pain that I feel like he will judge me when deep down I know that is not the case.

I know he wants me to say out loud what is going on for me, but that is super difficult. I have written it all down and am going to give it to him tonight.

I know this seems silly as there are so many in forum land trying to do this alone, and here I have someone standing next to me who wants to help me, yet I am pushing them away.

No it doesn’t sound silly @Snowie. I have the same feelings for people who support me. I had relationships that lasted 25 years so I get it a bit about it. I think because of those experiences I have thought a bit about what would be important in a relationship should I ever go down that path again. I hope I didn’t bamboozle you.

Good for you for writing it down. I hope it goes well. 💜🤗

I agree with @Teej there @Snowie, not silly at all. Different situations have different difficulties.

Writing things down is often the only way I can communicate sometimes. I might write an email, rather than speak on the phone or in person, or notes to hand to someone.

It sounds like you're getting a handle on some of what you want, too, which is good. Sometimes being able to know how you don't want people to react, and saying, or writing, this ahead of time for them, can be useful too.

Keep on keeping on, sounds like you have someone who really cares for you and, you're doing really well.

@Snowie '

please answer this if you want too

you wrote---- " I had an extremly hard day yesterday and did not tell him, not beause I didn't want to but was scared too." --

( what was your husband`s respond yesterday , what reactions did he display ?) hope you don`t mind me asking xx

As a carer, I imagine I would want to have support from counsellors in the field ..... both of childhood sexual assault, and the workplace traumas you suffered ..... and how these may have linked to increase PTSD effects.

I think I would want to know that your experiences have resulted in strong feelings of shame ..... and low self-worth ..... such that you feel like a burden on those around you, and struggle to accept that someone / others can love you.

I think I would want to learn what not to say .... and when to not speak ..... and what actions are best (a hug, a joke, taking you out for one-to-one time like a dinner or movie) under what circumstances .... and especially how to help you cross the suicide ideation terrain, so you’re not in it by yourself.

I think I would want to understand the reasons behind self-harm thinking ..... the need to feel things and why it seems validating or like a release of emotions ..... and how to respond to that most effectively in terms of what you need in the moment.

You are on the healing journey together, because the trauma and illness resides with both of you, if you can externalise it, put it outside you as a person, and understand that it is something that lives with you ..... and taking you away from those who love you doesn’t take the trauma and illness away .... it doesn’t work like that. Everybody has to be involved in the healing, in the solutions, in the overcoming of its effects.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I think it also takes a village to heal trauma. We need to begin by becoming familiar with what the trauma is, and how to live with it as we walk the recovery pathways together.

@Shaz51he is patient, caring and understanding - I don't really deserve him.

I told him that it was a hard day and ended up SH. He seemed frustrated that I didn't call him before hand and concerned for my welfar.