For what it's worth I thougth I would let you know what it has been like for me.
For a long time I went through the real craziness with my sibling and I got drawn into the drama so much that I felt like I was drowning in it. I think it has a lot to do with all the negativity taking over my thoughts and every decision I tried to make. It was all consuming.
It wasn't until my sibling finally got onto some medication to stabilise things that I got a bit of breathing space back. The funny thing was that I was so conditioned to the behaviour that it took a very long time for me to start being me again. I was always waiting for the next incident to occur. Always looking over my shoulder. Always dreading hearing the phone ring or whether the knock on the door was the police again. I was constantly on guard.
One of the biggest changes I have noticed about me now is that I don't take much crap from people these days. I am getting better at fending off ridiculous things my sibling says to me. One good thing is that I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.
You can't get back to being you again until you get that breathing space I mentioned. For me, it started with little things like listening to some favourite songs that I could enjoy again. I went and had a couple of massages done. I had a hair cut. I went to some nice parks to take in the scenery. Just little things and small steps with reconnecting to things that I had previously liked to do. I still have trouble reconnecting with my friends because they don't really know what I've been through. If I could go back in time I would have told the world what was going on. Instead I let myself become isolated which I think is something the abuser really loves because they don't get exposed if you are cut off from everyone. When you're going through hell you don't really want to put on the fake smile so you just stay away from people as much as possible. Big mistake but it happens.
I'm very glad I had the counselling sessions though. To be honest, most of what was said to me during the time of extreme madness didn't even sink in. My brain just couldn't process it. I think more than anything it felt good to just talk to someone who understood what I was going through.
To wrap up, keep doing things that are special and have meaning to you. Lock yourself away or get out of the house and try to enjoy the moment you are creating for yourself. If it feels good, keep doing it. If it doesn't then find something else or try again at another time. Try some counselling sessions if you haven't already done so.
I don't think I will ever be exactly the same again after what I've been though. I still feel the effects and think about the incidents that have happened over the past few years. I still have the desire to get away for good so I can finally be done with it. I get stressed farily easily these days and I know I'm still very fragile. I take each day as it comes and deal with it as best as I can.
