catching up

No my angel, you did not upset me, i have had these thoughts all weeks, i just did not want to burden you with them.

It is not about the money, it was about doing something to make life easier, mum's health has suffered greatly from the extreme peverty we lived in for so many years. i fee lso guilty for not helping pay the bills, she has sacrificed o much for me, maybe it is about the money, oh gosh i don't know, i just feel like i have failed in life. let everyone down.

You are right my angel, this is our reality and we are doing all we can do, i have to fight every day Karen, i so badly want to let go, sorry Karen, i am sliding into bad stuff tonight. horrible thoughts.

i will not burden you anymore, you have your own struggles, please get some sleep, i will be here for you for the next two weeks Karen, i will support you every day, please chat to me when you are their.

Good night my angel, i miss you already.

Jacques

Ok My angel,

i just know you are struggling too, i don't want to upset you or trigger you with my dark thoughts, i don't know why i am becomming so low tonight.

how are you tonight Karen? silly question i know.

Hi @Jacques,

Are you ok? I'm wondering what you can do to stay safe?

CherryBomb

Hi @CherryBomb,

Sorry to worry you, i am safe, i have my best friend supporting me so i am in good hands 🙂

just have an overwleming low feeling, maybe the day is over and i am reflecting on it, i don't know.

sorry to concern you

Jacques

Yes you do Karen, and i am going to hold your hand all the time, i will be beside you every step and give you a hug when you need it, i am going to support you every day, without exception, you are my world, my best friend.

Karen, is their anything you can do to that room to remove some of the memories?, could you take a swag and sleep in the loungeroom?

Hi @Jacques

I am glad you have fond memories of your father. What did he do to earning a living? Part of the problem may also lie in the superficial values in our society. You gave your parents meaning and that is always a "good". There is an idealism and graciousness in the natural way you express yourself which is at odds with the selfsh greedy acquisitiveness that the "successful" type of persona generates. My rich brother became a tech whizz for a while and all that but in the end it has become a shame for us and for him. We hope to see him next week. Your dad may have imagines he wanted you to be in that world, but the reality may not have been to his taste anyway. I have heard enough stories about it. My son does not want to put his energy into making a world that is more crazy and corrupt. I have to feel proud of that. Maybe you can come to a better acceptance of your place in the world without being so hard on your self.

I am really sorry about your mother's health issues. Sometimes really healthy food costs more than the cheap junk but you are not responsible for your mother's health. Things in her biology would have been set in motion before you were a "twinkle" in her eye. Just be glad that you were a good and decent twinke ...

@hiddenite knows the difficulty of rejection and lack of understanding that narrowminded materialistic attitudes cause. Money is one of the fact of life but there are a lot of facts of life .. not just the birds and the bees ... sometimes we oversimplify things.

Hang in there you two ... I need some one to drop in occasionally for the odd chat ... and you have become the ma and pa of the forum ... always together.

My father owned several failed businesses, he worked so hard, i hardly ever saw him, in the end he died with nothing, all he owned was a bed a couple of cabinets and his clothes, it was so sad, he was always trying to prove himself worthy to mums family, he literally worked himself to death.

I know money is not everything, i actually have a hatred for money now, i hate what it does to people and i dislike what it stands for, but in todays world money is everything, and you can't live without it, no matter how hard you try.

I hope you enjoy your time with your brother, i know you have had difficulties, but family is everything, i do hope you and your son have a ball 🙂

Yes, healthy food is expensive, we have trippled our grocery bill by having to eat healthy, i am so scared my pay is going to be stopped in 2 years time when i turn 35, we would not be able to eat healthy anymore if that happens.

Maybe you are right, but reading about what causes her condition is not enough fibre, it is scary because in some cases it can be fatal, so i am so scared of losing her.

you are too kind dear @Appleblossom, you are such an asset to this forum, i could not imagine it without you.

Thank you my friend

Jacques