catching up

Karen, i am sure you could find a much better friend than me, i am so weak, i wish i had the strength you have, you do so much, i wish you had a friend better than me.

I wish you did not know what a useless person i am, i am not worth your time Karen. i am hating myself right now, maybe i should go, i know the moderators will warn me with this post 😞

i might come back later when i have a shower and have calmed down a bit, just feeling low and loathing myself.

@Jacques and @hiddenite

Remember that it's ok to talk here about issues in your life. Yes, us mods have a code of conduct - a duty of care - that we need to abide to keep people safe.

This means keeping you and the community and your peers safe too, which is why we cannot publish triggering content. Also, as we have discussed before the Fourms is not a crisis service, it is a peer-support service, so we want to encourage you to get support from services that are equipped to support someone through crisis.

@hiddenite has made a great suggestion to contact emergency services. Please don't hesitate to contact them @Jacques.

Hi My angel,

Just had a cold shower, feeling a little better, before that i needed to distract, so i put up mum's second embroidery, and put a new pull start cable on the mower.

Feeling low tonight, i am trying to watch my breathing, but i am drifting in and out, if that makes any sense? nothing is really registering, going to try a movie to calm down a bit.

Thank you Karen, you have been a wonderful friend today, i feel so bad about having you to myself today, i worry the girls will think you are spending to much time with me and not enough with them, if they feel this way, i am happy for you to spend less time with me. please don't feel guilty, i would completely understand.

hugs my angel, hope your night is ok and you don't have night terrors.

thank you for everything

Jacques

Thank you my angel,

I am trying so hard to control the SH, and the dark thougths.

That is nice they had their cousin over, do they get on well together? do they like the same things?

Karen, i am so sorry you have felt concerned for me today, i struggle every day, some days more than others, today was a more than others day, but you are right we fight on, even when we don't want to 🙂

I am feeling very tired, but i will not go to sleep to early becasue i know i am going to get bad panic attacks tonight, so trying to exhaust my self fully before sleep.

No my angel, no insence, but i am smelling the rain that is just starting to fall, it smells so nice, their is something i really miss about rain, we don't get a lot, i so miss having regular rain. i love it 🙂

My angel, please talk if you like, my mind is a bit blank tonight, but it would be nice to read your writing. How are you feeling my friend? when does school go back in VIC? what did you get up to today, beside helping me :)?

Oh my angel you are sweet.

Wow, that is next week, so soon, it was like yesterday they started their holliday.

Oh that is good they get on well, i remember you saying they are the same age, i am so happy they at least have someone who does not make them panic, and it is so nice they get on so well.

Oh my angel, i am so sorry, i don't mean to make you anxious, that is how i feel when you are distressed, i am so sorry Karen, i hope you don't mind but you are the only one i feel comfortable enough to tell. no one else knows how much i suffer.

Yes, i went to bunnings this morning to pick up some things and had a look at our new kitchen, i think the colours i chose will work well with the floor and benchtop, just trying to decide on soft close doors or not? and what colour kick boards to get.

I can't seem to find a kitchen sink that has the flat steel bit on each side, they are only on one side at bunnings, , maybe to save money, but i want a specific type, i might have to try the internet.

Karen, please don't be so hard on yourself, we both struggle with simple tasks, i know the feeling of frustration with not being able to do the simple things, i felt is so bad today.

My angel, you are not a failure, i will tell you what i told @Mazarita,

If plan A and plan B fails,

don't worry their is still plan C - Z

😄

Karen if you are unable to one day, just keep trying until you can manage. i will be here for you to give you the encouragement you need 🙂