catching up

No my angel, i have not been diagnosed of any mental illness, i have not been to any trained professional to determine what i have, it is just what i have read in Psychological text books. my moods sway so much it has to be bipolar disorder, their is no other explanation, it is either that or schizophrenia. i just find the moods really hard to control, especially when i am exhausted.

I know my angel, i much rather hurt myself than others, that has always been my way of dealing with things, i have never harmed a living thing because of my moods, only me 😞

are you ok my angel, you said you are everwhelmed, have you called lifeline or if you like we can chat about it, please don't allow it to go round and round in your head, you will only make things worse.

My angel,

i know how intimidating and scared it must be seeing another group of people, and i am also worried you will be pushed into another breakdown, you have come so far, i don't want to see you take any steps backwards, only forwards.

Would a diagnosis make any difference to your situation? would it change your life in anyway haveing a label to put on your MI?

Karen, no one should jusge you or me or anyone else, unless they have lived that persons life, every ones life is unique, and every bodies situation and how they deal with it is unique too.

Karen, i will hold you hand through this i will be the constant good in your life, i will never leave your side, unconditionally.

My angel, always remember you life is your choice, if you feel it would do you harm seeing others, then don't, if you feel it would help then seek treatment where you can.

hugs my angel, i know how scared you are. i wish i could help in some way.

My angel, that is a heavy burden to bear, all these things that have happened to you, are not your fault, they are the fault of your abusers, i do hope professional treament would see past the stigma, considering they are ment to be professionals, Karen, all labels have good points and bad,

I often think i am manipulative too, i am unable to feel anything, i speak with such kindness fro memory, i am so scared i am the same Karen, so scared i am losing my mind, so scare of what might be.

My angel please remember it is always your choice, if you feel it would be unhelpful then go with your instincts.

i wish i could help you more, i am unable to know what to do to help, i can't even help myself, please Karen, always keep your future in the for front of your mind, what will help into the future, what will make your future better.

My angel, would it be possible to ask them not to tell you the diagnosis? surely they can send all that paperwork to your psychologist?

Karen, no one is perfect, not you, nor me, nor anyone else, we are who we are, people either love us for it or they dilike us for it.

Karen, all your faults you are a loving mother, caring friend and an awsome person, nothing else matters, please try to focus on the good in your life, your girls, me 🙂 and your future. that is all that matters, labels are just that labels, they do not define us.

My angel, i am not lucky, i am going to lose my income next year because i am not diagnosed, my life has fallen apart, their is nothing left, only memories, sometimes i wish i could get help, some times i wish their was a name, a label i could blame for my horrible life, i have no future like you, only waiting, waiting for mum to get old so i can care for her, their is nothing else for me. 😞