catching up

I am glad the poems are ok, i thought you might be getting sick of them, i try to do one each night, give you something nice to wake up to each morning 🙂

you are so special Karen, you are a smart, caring, loving person, you deserve such kindness, i am just glad and honoured you chose me to be your friend.

Oh yes the table is finished, i have it in the house, just allowing the enemel paint to dry (will take 1-2 weeks) to cure properly, looks ok, welll better than the plain MDF look.

I have started sanding my work bench down to get off all the paint, how does paint manage to go everywhere, i have it all over the floor, the bench and even over myself 😄 !!!!!!

Haha, it is nice waking up to a beautiful woman too , can't talk to women, i am petrified of them, but i can chat to you all day long 🙂

Haha, the sad fact is it was not spray paint, it was brush painting, out of a 4l tin :D, it was just so runny, that it kept dripping off the brush no matter how little paint i took in each stroke

Yes, mum is quite amazed at the things i can do, i think it is just normal, i thought most men can do these things, but mum thinks it is amazing, she is so thankful for me fixing up her house, and doing all i do, even though i think i am lazy.

Dinner is crumbedd fish & prawns with salad. how about you my angel?

It shall be done my angel, table cloth, fine silver, candles the whole works

Oooooh nothing wrong with sausage rolls :D, i prefer them over meat pies

I know my angel, it was just like we where ment to be 🙂 i just feel so comfortable with you, like i can tell you anything.

I so wish you had a close relationship with your mum Karen, it would make things so much better for you all, it is such a shame, life is so short, why fight?

I feel so blessed to have a mother who tries to understand how i am and feel, she has done so much for me, i just wish i could repay her properly for everything she has done for me.

Oh my angel, i would be so honoured, it would be a pleasure having a lovely meal with a beautiful woman :), i so wish i could cook for you, i am not a chef, but i can whip up something alright 🙂

I know my angel, it is not your fault, i know you try so hard to please others, i see how hard you work, and how much you do to try to prove yourself, your mother is sadly just unable to show love, she is not th eonly one, my grandmother was the same, nothing my father did was ever good enough, and he literally died trying to prove himself to mum's family, their is nothing you have to prove Karen, you are a loving, caring mother, and a wonderful kind and compassionate friend, your children love you for who you are and so do i 🙂

Yes my angel, i can give you some paper work on signs of mental and emotional abuse, unfortunately your mother rates very highly on the check list.

Karen, i don't think it is a matter of she will neverl ove you, it is just some people are so emotionally closed off they are unable to show love, a mothers bond with her child is unbreaking, it is just some mothers find it hard to show love in a conventional way.

Maybe to your mother, that is her way of showing love, i might be wrong, so don't listen to me too much.

I know she does not want to be repayed, she has told me several times all the things i d to kep this house more than pays for my upkeep. she is so kind, but i have the same problem as you and my father, i feel i need to prove myself to others, even though i am trying to fight the urge.

how is your little one Karen? is she settling down?

hugs my angel, i am sure you are exhausted, it must take a huge emotional toll to see your little one so distressed.

thinking of you

Jacques

Hi my angel,

Yes it is hard to know what is abuse, i did not know the things i did to myself where SH, until i started looking into it. you are not stupid or nieve, you just did not know, my angel, you are not a lost cause, you own your own home and you are moving into it soon, you are making progress.

Dinner was very nice, mum did the washing up while i finished the mowing.

Yes my angel, it must break your heart to see her like that, all you can do is do your best, give her all the love you can give and get profesisonal help, which you are doing.

Karen, that explains why your mother treats you the way she does, she is punishing your father, not you, i know it sounds silly, but she seems to have a hatred in her, and she is taking it out on you.

Karen you are not unlovable, your girls love you and i like you very much, is that not enough?

She has some serious issues with your father, and unfortunately she is taking it out on you, i am sorry, but that seems to be the way it is always going to be. i just hope when you are in your own home ,with the girls you can make a happy little family, i think the girls are highly stressed at your mums place too, that is why their emotions are so raw.

My angel, you do deserve to live, and not only that, you deserve happyness, it gives me great pride to know i help in some small way by making you smile some times. you are such an amazing person, so kind gentle loving and caring, you are such an assett to anyone who knows you, you are so special to me.

i am relaxing, i am sore all over.