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My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor15 Feb 2018, 9:51 am AEDT

My special place

Well yesterday certainly threw everything off track. But thanks to some very thoughtful and kind people I was able to get threw it and continue.

I cannot say a lot about what happened as I am sure you all understand but need this support in place.

Things WILL be ok, just a lot to work out.

Psych visit yesterday sorted out some of the things and more things will be happening early next week.

I am sorry if I put anyone through any despair, but unfortunately what happened yesterday morning had to be done.

Thank you all for your continued support.

@outlander@Sans911@Former-Member@Bubbles3@Bunniekins@Shaz51@CheerBear@Phoenix_Rising@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Zoe7@Queenie@Former-Member

Brain still not functioning anyone so sorry if I missed anyone

for @Phoenix_Rising as I know how much you don't like love hearts!!!

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In response to: My special place

Sans911Senior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 7:31 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

So what's going on to make things so bad again? What was the trigger for this spiral? Is it to do with disclosing to your husband or something else?

In response to: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

@Sans911 it is a few things. I cant say one of them on here b/c if anyone else reads this they could fifure itout. The other one is something i have been discussing with the psych. The other one is i have just had enough. The flashbacks are so intense that i just dont want to do it anymore. I know that is a cop out and people might call me selfish, but i just dont care anymore.

In response to: Re: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 7:46 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

However this conversation goes both ways @Sans911 so get it out if you need to also

In response to: My special place

Sans911Senior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 8:04 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

Wanting out is not a cop out hun. There is only so much one person can handle. Your overwhelmed, like me, yet in a different way. I think you do care, but it's easy to be defeated.

Having flashbacks must be like living your worst nightmare over and over & there's no off or stop button.

For me, I'm completely overwhelmed by so many things. My fkn house mate dies my head in. She's sucking the life out of me, and my main reason for going back to SH. I'm so humanities when I go to the checkout & my card gets declined. I'm not sleeping properly, having bizarre dreams and delusions. My other problems aren't that bad in the whole context of things

In response to: Re: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 8:21 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

@Sans911I wrote hubby a letter the other day and said when I talk to him about my suicidal thoughts do not bring him or the kids up. I don't think people realise it does not change my mind, just makes me feel more guilty for having these thoughts and then they intensify. And the pdoc's answer is just to med me up more.

I probably do care deep down but am scared that I am getting to that point of not return. I guess it is bad to say I have the means. I have already organised some things......

Your room mate seems very insensitive to your situation which confuses me. She knows you have a MI since she has helped you before, yet she puts so much pressure on you. I hope this is sorted out next week at the meeting. It is so not fair on you. I think when we get to this stages even our small problems seem big when we have so much piled up on us, which is only natural. Not sleeping properly would not help to you problems either, sleep deprevation effects us soooo much.

In response to: Re: My special place

BunniekinsSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 8:54 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

@Snowie Sweetie I am off to bed. I hope you get some restful sleep tonight with fairies and elves watching over you till morning. Love gp xxxxx

In response to: Re: My special place

outlanderSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 8:56 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

@Snowie@Sans911my precious sisters, please keep safe, you both mean alot to me im still here if you need me

In response to: Re: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 8:56 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

Goodnight @Bunniekins hope you get some good sleep too

In response to: My special place

Sans911Senior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 9:00 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

Yeah, I can understand that even though I don't have children. He thinks nothing could be that bad you would leave your children motherless. It's not that you're trying to hurt others; it's just your emotional pain is relentless & overwhelming. And they would be better without a 'broken' mummy. Has your husband had any counselling or support from your pdoc or other agencies? This isn't about knowing what's wrong or knowing the details, but simply about supporting him and helping him to understand why you feel this way. He must be terribly confused, frightened that he may wake and you're gone, frightened to seemingly be losing a women he loves. Darling, I don't want to upset because I'm sure you know this, but he's in such a difficult position. Torn by his need to protect and love you, yet wanting to protect his children as well.

Yes, small problems become huge if there's enough of them. Yesterday I thought I felt relief at her going soon, but I'm so mixed up between trying to remain civil & wanting to punch her in the face. I recently paid the most recent utility bills. It took her over a week to give me one third of the payment, which apparently she had to borrow off a friend. In one way it's good she is not here over the weekend. But she's deliberately avoiding me as well. I'm so hurt by the her lies, disrespect, dishonesty and lack of empathy. That hurts way more than the money. I gave and she took until I was more than sucked dry.

In response to: Re: My special place

SnowieSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 9:13 pm AEDT

Re: My special place

@Sans911he is talking to people on help lines. I have mentioned for him to go and talk to a psych and he is not closed to that option so that is a good idea. It breaks my heart doing this to him and the kids.

I always think they would be better of without me....they could get on with life and enjoy it...I don't know, super confused. I don't feel the least bit safe.....

It does sound like she is avoiding you hun which is so unfair for you. I don't understand how she has to borrow money when she works. This would definitely add to your stresses atm. I know the weekends are hard sweetie and don't want t upset you more, but are there are few things you can do. Perhaps go to the library even so you are around others. I worry about you a lot

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