My special place

People must think I am an idiot or losing the plot. There are so many things I can't remember from having ect and my kids are noticing. I try and keep so much of my mi from them and don't let them see me when I am at my worse, but especially when I have forgotten things they have told me, I feel I am letting them down. I get "mum I have already told you" or "mum don't you remember" from them. All I seem to do is apologise to everyone. H is trying his hardest to be supportive, but I am letting him down too. I couldn't even remember where the supermarket was, I had to google it. I even forgot my friends name. She thought it was funny, I didn't, I felt stupid.

Some days I just think they would be better of without me. Some days I think I would have been better of not having ect. Some days I think it hasn't worked and all I am left with is the side effects.

I don't expect any replies, I just have had enough.

Hey @Snowie,

Your memory loss sounds incredibly tough to be going through. It sounds like you are doing your absolute best under the current circumstances. Please remember to be gentle with yourself during this time. I'm wondering if a friend or loved one was feeling a similar way around their side effects, what might you say to them in support?

Just something to consider. We are sitting with you, Snowie

Warmest,

Basil.

That is super hard @Snowie and must be extremely frustrating You have been nothing but amazing here though Hon so whatever the effects of your recent ect it has certainly not affected you here - in-fact I would say you have been more than supportive and extreely wise in that support. Give it time Hon - as you said ...this was a stronger course and memory loss is a side effect. If it helps in the longer term then that is a good thing.

Hey @Snowie I get it, I truly do. On Friday instead of posting a card I posted the car keys. Luckily it was at the post office and they were easily retrieved but I totally lost it. I am forgetting so much too but I keep getting told this will ease off “in time”.

Your family would never be better off without you and not would mine without me.

We’re in this together...tiny steps.

I value you very much.

Big love and wipe those tears

💜🦋💜

Thankyou @Eve7 @Zoe7 @Former-Member for the replies 💜

How are you going @outlander ?

My memory lets me down once again. Others have to step up because I can't. I hate this.

Hey @Snowie . I know it must feel awful for you but maybe those who step up just do because it's what has to happen for now. Just lately I've been reminded a few times that when I feel hopeless or useless it's not what is going through others minds. Please don't forget that society puts a whole heap of bull:pile_of_poo: pressure on women to have it together all the time, especially those of us who are mothers. Please be kind to you. Lately I've read articles from women who we expect to have it all together but just don't behind closed doors.
I am struggling immensely with the feeling like I shouldn't be this useless. My life is currently a huge mess. I've just walked out my psychiatrists office who kept talking about how far I've come. Sometimes it's hard to see when we are stuck in the mud. Let others guide you to see that you're getting there one step at a time. No one tells you how long it takes to get through the hell and quagmire of crap. Go easy on you. You are wading through the quagmire still. Wading is good because it means you are pushing through the hard stuff. Hold on tight, you can do this and it's ok for others to step in and help. 💜🤗