My special place

On the Courage of words

Another day, just another struggle. How to find a purpose & meaning again is another quest. I have somehow contended with having to reconnect with the horror of the place & people that so hurt me. I am glad that I have done this as this was on behalf of a mutual patient. Although this has sent me again upon a spiralling path of self deprecation.

How come, I needed to prove anything again, the name alone evoked so much horror. A rapid recourse into the depths of the bullying that ocurred. How come, I am still so horribly reactive. The narritive that was secured has now reimerged again.

Yes, I wrote, how come, to prove that I am not the mental case I was deemed to be.

When you are so badly besmirched, even though you you think you have tried your best, it corrodes you & repeats.

Perhaps, that I have again written, the thoughts may again submerge. Or at least again provide me with the stillness that my mind requires for sleep. I know that this is hard, so how come, I am still here. Purpose & reason so currently evade me, perhaps I will again find the strength to commence another life book, & face the chapters that are so redolent in my mind.

sans11 In response, I am sincerly thank for your expression. I am heatened that my words have meaning to you - your reply mean so so much to me. I thank you so much for being here & also having the courage to speak. It does take so much courage to just be me, I am so heartened by your response. Perhaps now, I will write again, knowing that you are in some ways inspired.

@Eve7 Hoping ECT went well today. Thinking of you hun 💜

Hello my beautiful sis @outlander Was just catching up on your thread hun.

I am going ok, had pdoc and gp appt. today. The last 24hrs have been triggering from the news, just trying to deal with it

How are you going hun?

Hey @Snowie I was just about to message you!

I hope your pdoc was kind to you today. Will you have more ECT? I might finish next week after 18.

ECT was ok today but I was a tad woozy afterwards and emotional so I asked pdoc if I could see him tomorrow rather than have a melt down.

I have to be careful what I read on the forums as some is really triggering.

I hope your family are all pitching in to help. Take care as you recover.

xo

💙🧡💙

Hi @Eve7

I am going to have more ECT in the coming weeks but more maintenance ECT. So it will be once per week instead of 3 times per week.

My pdoc was really helpful today. Worked out meds and what was happening from here forward. Hopefully outreach will be starting up again soon too.

I am glad you are seeing your pdoc tomorrow and hopefully that helps you.

@outlander

pdoc and gp appt. both went ok.

Glad you brought some news dvd's

I don't normally watch the news but this has been on everywhere
I am here for you hun if you need to talk, but understand how hard it is.

It sounds like you will have good support in place @Snowie @so I hope that really helps as time progresses.

I’m glad your go and pdoc were helpful today.

Let’s move forward one step at a time. ❤️

💙🧡💙