My special place

smiling with you @Snowie

So today has been D day @Sans911!!

Had a really rough night last night with a wierd dream about SH, running away, cows and some people. Yep really strange. So not a lot of sleep with lots on my mind.

So I am home now and have VERY mixed feelings about it.

I am glad I am home, my own bed, kids, hubby, dog, a lot more comfortable and more freedom. It is nice to sit on the couch and relax.

But, my anixety today is super high and my thoughts/feelings are so muddled.

For the last two weeks I have lived in a bubble of safety. Nurses, psychs, pdocs around, meds monitored, all SH tools locked away. I have only had to worry about me and no one/nothing else. Yet all of a sudden I walk out those hospital doors, come home and temptation is everywhere and that is extremely scarey. I guess that is where the last two weeks come into play and use my new skills to help me through these difficult times. People that I have spoken to have felt the same and talking to the pdoc my concerns were "normal" to have.

So I guess the main question is has this hospital stay helped? I think so. I feel (well except for the anxiety today) a bit more grounded, my SH/SI thoughts have decreased and I feel I have more strategies in my toolbox. I didn't expect miracles to happen and come out "cured", yet I do feel like I didn't achieve as much as I could have, however I guess time will tell. Even though there were ups and downs along the way, I am glad I went through with it.

I thank everyone for their comments, likes, reads along this journey and being there for me. I can't remember everyone so apologise if I don't tag you

@Sans911@outlander@Shaz51@Catcakes@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7@Phoenix_Rising

@Bunniekins

um thats a really weird dream i must say @Snowie very weird!

it can be really tricky trying to adjust back to 'reality' and out of that safe bubble so go easy on yourself and yes those thoughts are 'normal' im glad you found the stay helpful though and you got some good things about it. despite your anxiety you are sounding alittle more settled with the strategies youve come away with and the things youve learnt. it takes time to learn those strategies on the outside as there is more going on, more to focus on and responsibilities but keep at it and in time they will become abit more 'natural' to you.

well done for sticking it through, really proud of you. i was/am more than happy to go on that journey with you and still be here for you

@Snowie Good to have you home 🙂 and even better that you feel your stay in hospital has done you some good. I am sure your family are thrilled to have you home again. It really did sound like a wonderful hospital and you did give it a good shot staying there 2 weeks (not for the faint hearted) .... Well done Snowie you were missed. Looking forward to hearing more about it all when you feel able 🙂

@Snowie Good to have you home

cuddles from Olly ( sorry if i spelt her name wrong ) xxxx