My special place

You certainly have been away for a fair chunk of time @Snowie so I can understand that you are itching to go home. Very much missing you here too Hon and will be lovely to have you back with us soon. It can be really difficult when you are with people that don't 'get it' and you have to constantly put on that mask - that in itself is tiring So to be back in the comfort of your own home you will be able to relax a little more. Meanwhile stay as cool as you can and enjoy your last couple of days there. Much love and squishy hugs

Hi again, it has been such a long time

Now I again recognise how much this matters to me & the benefits of "sharing" in writing how I am travelling. I utilise denial as my way to keep going, & keeping on going I must. If not I will shrivel up further & be lost forever. Perhaps this is for the best.

I am grieving my extraoidinary cat died he has now joined his brother in cat Nirvana. They died within 6 months of each other. I carry the weight of appropriate care so deeply. I envision him constantly on his shelf with his head down. I would engage him & everything became good again. Eventuly I found a new Vet, someone who cared. The Dx was hyperthyroidism medication commenced. He lost his appetite. I trialed everything

. He eventually commenced eating again sardines in olive oil was enticing for a while. He somehow managed to vomit up 2 massive furrballs, no doubt this had been blocking his intenstinal tract for years. I knew he was not going to be with me much longer & scheduled his death. He rallied again & again for 16 days. He came to bed with me every night & accepted being cuddled. I again arranged another green needle appointment, the spouse was able to stay. I made the wrong choice and went to a work appointment. He died at home an hour later. The spouse told me he patted him & spoke with him, however he could not hold him.

My beautiful baby boy should have been supported & loved & allowed to die in my care.

I am writing again as I so need to be OK and sit with the sadness. The self deprecation is again so strong. I wonder the why & the purpose relentlessly. I have vivid flashbacks & dreams of attempting to escape.

I know that the grief is so prominent & yet I also feel so much despair & disregard for me. The why bother stuff is now a daily battle. I am lost again.

@Bast I am so sorry to hear of your deep loss. Words are a difficult for me at the moment, but I wanted to let you know I hear you, and feel your loss with you. Take care where you can. 💜💜💜💜

Sorry for what you’ve been through. I know how much our pets mean to us and how guilt can make you feel bad. He will know you did your best and he died at home which is what he would have wanted.

@Bast The loss of one of our dear fur babies is incredibly hard - and to have two of yours pass away so close makes it even harder. I really feel for you

Not having your baby die in your care is something that is also really hard to deal with but he did have someone there that cared about him so he was not alone. It is heartwrenching to know it was not you with him and I can fully understand that pain. My sister just recently lost her cat also and she did not make it to the vet in time to be with her when she died. She has been beating herself up for not being there as well as not being able to recognise sooner that she was unwell. Unfortunately cats keep things pretty insular and it is not always easy for us to know they are not well. I have no doubt you did everything you could for your little boy so he was very lucky to have you. I am also sure he would not want you to give up yourself - remember the great joy he and your other cat brought to your life as well as grieve for them both. It is a major loss for you and one that will take time to get through. Those feelings of being lost again will ease in time but for right now allow yourself to grieve ...and continue to reach out here for support when you need it

@Bastit is good to see you on here again.

I am sorry about your loss. Our fur babies are so important to us

@Zoe7 @outlander @Sans911 @Faith-and-Hope @Bunniekins @Shaz51 and anyone else following along.

Arrived home from being away after a very long drive yesterday and today. Am glad to be home and have started unpacking, washing, the fun things!!

It was nice to be away but even nicer to be home. The kids had a great time and it was worth it to see the smiles on their faces. Have included a photo that I think will be ok to show. If not the mods can stop it.

I have been following along and know some of you are struggling. You have been in my thoughts lots. Wishing whoever reads this some good in their day.

Lots of love

@Snowie Hey Snowie great to have you back:). What a river is that! with beautiful gum trees lining it ...... so nice to see it full of water .... was almost thinking Australian rivers had all but dried up! Happy that you had a nice holiday with family 🙂 and agreed is always great to get home again. Love pea xxx