My special place

@Snowie im not sure why they took your pillow? Did they explain that as im not too sure why you cant have that?
In my experience the start esp the first 2 days are the worst. It is really scary to have to do. Sitting with you 💕

@outlander it wasnt a normal pillow but a type i guess they thought was dangerous.

Oh ok @Snowie they can be picky sometimes
Maybe hubby could bring another comfort item in for you? Or hire some bbt and you could watch them on their tv?
Just remember to breathe in their ok

@Snowie- I'm really glad you're able to talk to me hun. What you are feeling is completely expected. It's your first time in hospital, you've been under a lot of strain & stress recently, you're out of your familiar comfort zone without your family and you want to shut these overwhelming feelings down. And you can't do that. So 9f course they are going to escalate even more. Can you go have a cold shower? It might help to tone your feelings down. Have you spoken to the nurses at all? Just try to focus on controlling your breathing and we will take this minute by minute until things settle a bit. Have the nurses prescribed you a sleeping tablet at all? Also if any of your current meds have been stopped suddenly your may get an increase in your SI thoughts.

I'm right here with you hun. I'm not going anywhere until you are okish.

@Sans911 ive had a prn so have to wait till it works. I have got sleeping tablets for tonight.
They said hopefully in a few days i can get out of this area amd into the more general area. God i wish i had something to use.
Thanks sis i know you have had a few rough days too.
I hate being this needy

Thinking of you @Snowie, and hope the night isn't too bad. You Know we are here. 🐱

@Snowie - it's ok to be needy hun. You're in severe distress. Hopefully the prn will start working soon. Things should settle in a few days. They just want to see that your not going to try to escape or try to find something to hurt yourself with. Telling the nurses you feel unsafe won't necessarily mean you will have to stay in the area longer. They want you to talk to them or they might think you're hiding how you really are.

I know @Sans911 but it us so hard to talk about these things. For so long i was told to keep silent. They have me on 15 min watches too. Called it high risk.

@Snowie-I understand its hard. I've been on those safety watches too, sometimes at my own request. They'll remove it usually within 24hours. All you have to do is just say you're struggling with being in hospital, you're trying to do the best you can but you're feeling a little unsafe. They might ask you why you feel unsafe, what your intentions are. By keeping everything inside you're only hurting yourself more, and the distress will be greater because you're so overwhelmed. Whoever told you to keep quiet doesn't know how to deal with these thoughts. I'm sorry if that's a person close to you, but it's the truth. Talking about it won't make it worse or make your more distressed. Initially it might feel distressing and challenging, but you need to talk about it. Talking about reduces the pain. The staff know the way to talk you about in a safe, non threatening manner. It's a big part of your journey to recovery, and the hospital will want to see some improvements in maintaining your safety, reaching out for help and finding new ways to manage your distress. I'm not chastising hun, you know that right? And I still struggle to talk to professionals and family support when I'm not ok or my SI is escalating like now. I've not anyone but you and @outlander (well, and the whole forum too!). But it's actually you mostly that's stopping me from going ahead with anything. Because we're both on this recovery process together, and hurting ourselves might relieve the pain, but it just serves to increase of shame & self loathing. And I nor you have enough of those two things without adding to it.