My special place

I'm not going to add anything as @Zoe7 has articulated it so well @Snowie

I can understand though this has absolutely shaken you to your core. Like @Zoe7

has said, only you know what you can cope with. One thing that came to mind is can you get any idea of timelimes of the stages of dealing with this? For example a) has to happen first and it might take one month, then b) etc.

When I was told last week that it wasn't worth the stress of pursuing my house mate, I expected it, but I was quite upset that I just have to let it go. Its not the same as what happened to you, but I have a little understanding. Big hugs for you sweetie, and I'm proud of you for letting that out as I know you're super struggling right now. This is so what you don't need at this time

What happened to you is terrible too @Sans911 - we place our trust in people and they let us down - not easy to trust again after that and very hard to deal too - and even though you thought the outcome with the police would be what it was it doesn't hurt any less

@Zoe7meds are tricky like that. I know when I go back to work there are some meds I wouldn't be able to have (like my prn). It is such a fine line.

@outlander

@Sans911I have to speak to someone from my union again tomorrow, so might even ask them if they know timelines. It is hard when we have been wronged and have to let it go.

Have taken meds early tonight as those thoughts are invading my mind.

My night meds I would need to take a little earlier than I presently do @Snowie but one of my morning meds I don't think I would be able to take. It is probably best we try to reduce that one sooner rather than later to see how I go - I am not sure whether now is the right time or not though - just seem to be getting it right apart from the occasional bad night. This is why I wanted to try going in to work for short periods in the morning to see how I was affected - with no pressure but more to be in that environment to see how I coped and for how long.

@Zoe7it is a fine line between meds and working. I hope you are able to work it out. I remember when I first came on here and how much your meds were effecting you. You have come so far since those days.

My gp and I were only talking about that on Monday @Snowie - we had tried so many different meds and doses and some made me worse rather than any better - there was one that nearly finished me - I was in such a dark place then. I am still on a lot of meds now but we seem to have the mix right. The next step is being able to get through the day without wanting to sleep and being able to do things. My back is slowly improving but yesterday when I may have done a little too much certainly proved that I am not ready for work at all yet. But there havve been significant improvements in my sleep and that is something I never thought I would ever be able to say - so baby steps still on some things but steps nonetheless

I think one of the things that hurt the most is not so much the loss of money, although loosing thousands on virtually no income was pretty painful, but it was desperation of how quickly I attach myself to a potential new friend. And in the last few years I've lost some supposedly strong friendships rather abruptly. This is yet another casualty and I feel doomed to be friendless forever. I virtually do everything alone. I rarely have coffee with anyone, I go to the movies alone, I never go to a restaurant alone, I go to shows alone. It's excruciatingly painful, and it's one of my biggest pulls to SH/SA because although I can generally cope with my own company, I cannot go through life alone.

@Zoe7baby steps is fine hun. As you said they are still steps.

@Zoe7

Forgot to tag you in last post above

I am a bit the opposite to you @Sans911 I like being alone - that may be because I have been for so long and find it safer that way but I can completely understand how you being alone is affecting you. It all comes back to trust again - to be able to make those connections requires trust and for yours to be broken so easily by someone that you considered a friend is horrible. I have simply not trusted anyone for a very long time nd that way I haven't been let down because I have always expected the worst and that is what I have got. It is a very negtaive way to look at the world and people in it - but this forum has restored my faith in people to a certain degree - there are people here that I do trust and although they are people I may never meet, they have proven themselves to be trustworthy. We find the most amazing things in the unlikeliest places and I never imagined when I joined here that trust would be one of those things I would find!

@Snowie yes baby steps are still steps and the more of them we take the easier it is to begin to walk again