My special place

I hope you sleep well tonight @Snowie

It's been one of those days where you wish you didn't wake up or just stayed in bed.

Having to deal with Dr x2 (one for me, one for H), pdoc and mum has broken me today.

I just want to crawl into bed and disappear. Escape from reality, from my life.

Ohhh my dear sister @Snowie ❤️

Sitting with you and sending 💕

Hope everything is OK with the doctors for you and H xx

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@Snowie wrote:

Hi @AuntGlow

I'm struggling to be on here at the moment, or anywhere really.

I don't want to say the wrong thing, I don't want to be a burden to anyone

There isn't much anyone can do. I see my psych tomorrow but am worried about what she'll say or do if I open up to her. Will she let me leave, will she ring H or my pdoc, will she ring someone else

On a good note my mum is going to her sister's on Tuesday for about 5 days. I have to drive her half way but at least it will give me a short break. Better than nothing.

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Good evening @Snowie 💛

You're not a burden to anyone here and you're allowed to share whatever feels right for you.

How did your therapy session go? I would love an update on how you're feeling this week.

Was the break helpful for recalibrating/grounding?

Hi @AuntGlow

Thanks for replying

I did see my psych and opened up to her, told her most things. It helped letting someone else in, not feeling as alone. She did ring my pdoc about some behaviours I've been doing. I'm not sure exactly what they discussed.

I have spoken to my pdoc since and he mentioned an admission again. I really want this to be my last resort. Told him I'd rather do anything else except that.

I see (telehealth) my psych again on Thursday.

The break from mum was nice, but it has been horrible since she's been back. She is not coping well atm, so takes out that frustration and anger out on me. Been told I don't care, I don't help her and many other things. Even though I see or speak to her everyday, for her it's still not enough.

I don't know how to cope with her, it is affecting my MH. Whatever I do, it is not good enough.

Greetings @Sans911 . I’m awake at this hour of witches and I’m definitely a witch myself. My sister makes me feel

like a burden and she refuses to talk to me anymore. I miss her.

Have a few friends, but not many in Adelaide where I live. One friend down the street is a bit is lazy, depressed and rarely comes out. I suspect he is an alcoholic.

I also have a cheap helper but he often cancels coming at short notice which is really irritating. I like him, but he is unreliable and I get frustrated with this and the fact that he ignores my requests especially in the garden where I know more than him. He keeps planting stuff I don’t want (they are weeds). I also want to make the garden lower maintenance as I can’t manage it anymore. I can’t bend much because of my bad back. Lugging around a heavy watering can or getting the hose out is hard work for me these days.

I am also frustrated by the junk in my place and he has some stuff here as well I think he’s a hoarder. In addition he keeps bringing me stuff that I don’t want. I know he means well, but it is just more stuff accumulating. Wish he would help clear out the junk. I have offered him some items I don’t want (he is poor on the dole while he fights a worker’s compensation case)., but he doesn’t want them or he never gets around to taking them. But he is relatively cheap and I like him. Just wish he was more reliable and would listen to my instructions. Can’t afford a proper tradie very often. Moan moan moan excuse me. Also need expensive maintenance work done on my unit. I am lucky, however: I own it outright.

i am hypomanic atm. hence I’m awake at this ungodly hour. The biggest problems with that are not getting enough quality sleep and spending money I can ill afford. If it gets really bad I can edge towards psychosis which is awful and you lose touch with reality. I have bipolar type 1 the worst type I believe. Excuse the rant can’t help it.

@GezzaP

Hey there, nice to meet you. I am often awake at this time and later. But I am also in the West, so not quite as late as you. And definitely not as late as the East either. You sound like you are in a bit of a dilemma, having to accept things you don't necessarily like or tolerate. I live by myself, so it's just me I can't tolerate at times. I am sorry you feel like a burden to your sister. Family can be tricky, can't they?

And no need to apologise for the rant; your post is/was an interesting read. I have a lovely sister who lives in your city. I now have a low-maintenance garden, as I can't bend for more than a few minutes either. But my garden started from nothing at all, and was an incredibly hard slog to get it to where it is now. I have a gardener who comes every two weeks to help with the heavier or more difficult tasks. My 3 gardens are very small, but I have crammed a lot into them.

I am getting sleepy, so going to head off, but I wanted to acknowledge that I appreciated you stopping by.

Thanks @Sans911 . I live alone too. My sister is selfish and has always bullied me. She also has a foul temper.

Contemplating two big expenses. Getting a landscaper to transform garden to lower upkeep. It is large out the back even though I live in a two bedroom unit. Front is tiny and I can maintain that.

The other project I’m considering is an extension and renovation to my minute kitchen. It drives me crazy. But will have to get quotes.

Hi dear @Sans911

Thank you so much for your reply. It meant more to me than you realise.

I do think it is trying to carry that weight around. It can be so difficult at times. Sometimes wanting to put it down and being able to can cause a conflict within myself. I think it is always that battle of putting 'us' first.

I know from experience that an admission has helped in the past. Since having MH issues this has probably been the longest time between admissions. Has it got something to do with the monthly ECT sessions I'm having, perhaps. It is something I discuss with my pdoc.

I also do have to think about my mum. Besides my brother, who is useless, there is no one else she can really rely on. The last thing I want to do is make D or my hubby take on that responsibility.

I did speak to my psych yesterday. She did mention speaking to my pdoc. You are right however, them being on the same page will benefit me.

When I first joined, you and Outlander were the first people that supported me and gave me that space to express how I was feeling and what was happening in my life. I will never forget that warmth, guidance and support that you so willingly gave.

I hope that things in your life are going ok. Even when you are not here, I am still thinking of you and hoping for the best. Sending my love back to you.
Take care sis.