My special place

The only problem with not keeping the appt. is that I would have to wait another 3-4 weeks to see him @rav3n He books out quickly.

My psych says she has a duty of care to tell H. So either way I am going to loose control.

I am just going to head to bed now. It's late enough that I can have my night meds. Hopefully with some prn too I will be able to get to sleep and stay asleep. My head is starting to scare me, I'm better of asleep.

Thanks @rav3n @Jynx for tonight.

@Ru-bee thanks for being there today for me.

hoping the appt works out in your favour @Snowie 🤞

even though it really sucks right now, that duty of care is in place to make sure you get the right support - i know its terrifying to feel like your losing control, but there's also a chance that once you get that support, you'll feel much more in control of things. rooting for things to go well for you - rest up, hope you sleep well 💗

I am sorry that it's all sorts of distressing for you at the moment @Snowie - I hope sleep finds you quickly. Some huggles for you 🫂🫂🫂

Hi @Snowie . so sorry you're in distress, and about the loss of your friend's mum 😢

I was glad to read you have a new, much better SW.

I know I've been absent - my lifestyle hasn't been good.

Good luck with your pdoc appt this week...

Hugz from me too @Snowie …..

Sitting here quietly with you Hon xxx

Sending lots of love to you @Snowie xox

So I saw (in person) my pdoc today. I was honest with him and told him about whats been happening and what i've been doing. He asked about safety and wellbeing and I told him what's what.

He gave me two options. Either increase the ECT I'm doing already as an outpatient or do an inpatient stay for a month and do ECT in there. He gave me time to speak to H and 24 hrs. He is ringing me tomorrow morning for my decision.

There are so many cons with each one. Both are putting a lot of pressure on H and the kids. I am really torn on what way to go. If I left it to my pdoc to decide he said that he would admit me.

I spoke to H and told him where I am. He was really angry that I didn't tell him anything earlier, which I can't blame him for. He did say that he already knew things weren't great. I did leave out one big thing that I didn't tell him. Can't really say it on here. Once my psych knows, she will want to ring him.

So now I am more confused than ever about what to do. Somehow by tomorrow morning I have to decide.

Tomorrow is D's birthday too. The last thing I want to do tomorrow is tell the kids, especially if I choose to go in. Tomorrow needs to be about her, not me. It needs to be a happy day. I need to put that mask on.

If you've read this far, then thanks for listening to my dribble.

Hey @Snowie ,

I'm hearing how torn you are. At the same time, I recognise things aren't great for you.

Are you able to speak to your pdoc about staying home for your D's bday and then going after?

I hear that you don't want your children to get upset by you going, but I'm wondering if they know/feel something is not right already and perhaps having their own anxieties about what it may look like moving forward? I don't know. Just a thought. What do you think?

Hugs to you @Snowie

Thinking of you @Snowie

@which way are you leaning towards?

@tyme D's birthday is tomorrow so I just want it to be a happy day for her. Not to tell her I'm going in.

It would take about 7-10 days to organise an admission anyway.

@Bow I think I am probably leaning towards an admission. I'm really not sure I can stay safe enough at home.