My special place

Are you able to give them a call now @Snowie?

@Ru-bee I did.

Struggling to keep my word

Hey @Snowie I can hear how rough things are for you. Just letting you know I'm here for you hun 💜

Thanks @Jynx

I'm just counting down the minutes until I can go to bed. I don't think staying up would do me any good.

The thoughts are screaming at me, I feel powerless to stop them. At least hubby is home now so I guess that makes me safe.

Ach @Snowie that's a crappy place to be. Do you have anything to distract your brain, keep it busy? Or could you ask hubby to help with that? Sending you some hugs my dear, may they warm you gently 💜🫂🫂

Just watching some tv with H @Jynx Well his watching the tv, I feel like I'm just staring off into the distance.

Have got pdoc appt. on Thursday. Really need to see him in person but not sure if he is only doing phone appt.s that day. Hopefully hear back about it tomorrow.

Still need to talk to H. How do i tell him about what I've got and my thoughts.

Yes I know he cares, yes I know he would rather know, I know all of that. Still feel like I am opening up a can of worms.

hey @Snowie 😊

i see you've got a lot on your plate right now, hopefully getting that confirmation will help you get some relief soon - fingers crossed the appt is in-person!

i can see that talking to H about what's been going on for you is causing a lot of anxiety for you - perhaps even being upfront about how anxious you are and saying something like "i need to talk to you and share some important things but i'm really scared about how it will go" might be a nice start off with?

i also hear you've been journalling today, is showing H what you've written something you'd feel comfy giving a go instead of talking about it?

@Snowie does it help to cast your mind back to past times when you've had to tell hubby something you really didn't wanna open up about?

Another random idea, dunno if it's helpful but - could you say to hubby that you got something you need to say, but that you can't find the words, and ask if maybe he could prompt you or encourage you or something, to help alleviate that pressure of 'knowing the right thing to say' - what do you think?

@rav3n I always find over the phone harder and there is a lot I have to tell my pdoc, or my psych said she will have no choice but to ring him.

@Jynx @rav3n both of them are good ideas. I'm not sure I could show him my diary. I've never let anyone read that. It goes really deep into my thoughts and wants.

I can try and get him to ask the questions. I think he probably knows that everything is not ok. I'm not that good at hiding things.

I've just got to do it. I've gone on about it the last few days. I'm sick of me talking about it so others defiantly would be. There is one thing I really struggle to tell him. I can't say it on here of course, but it's about me losing control.

I am over today, it has just been too hard.

My friend got back to me. I told her if she needed any help I would be there for her.

i find talking about really heavy things over the phone difficult too - if its a phone appt would you be able to reschedule/request an in person session?

i understand what you mean, diaries can be super personal and hard to share with others. there are pros and cons, totally up to you to decide if they're worth it or not! Jynx's idea to let H prompt sounds great, especially if he already seems to have an idea that something's wrong, he might know the right questions to ask you.

i can imagine that sharing about losing control is especially difficult - maybe you can even save this part for later and have a professional assist you in sharing this with H when you’re ready.

it’s lovely that you’re also there for your friend, offering support to her can be a positive distraction and a reminder that you’re not alone in caring and being cared for. don't forget to be kind to yourself too, is there a self-care activity you can fit in tonight? you've had a big day and you deserve some me-time and rest as well ✨ @Snowie