My special place

@Eve7 💕💕

@rav3n you're right, they don't change their behaviour. I should be used to it by now, but on top of everything else it just hurts.

Today has just been survival mode. It's so tiring just existing.

the fact that you care about what people think and what they say shows what a kind and compassionate person you are. it shows a great deal of empathy and in a world that's quite cruel at times, that's such a strength to hold onto @Snowie

i see that today's been tough for you, and i can see how it must've been even more painful to have to deal with that when you're already tired. i hope that once you're out of survival mode, you can appreciate your strength 💛

is there something that helps you get out of 'survival mode' and unwind?

You're right, the world is cruel.

I don't want to live like this

I called scbs @rav3n

not sure if you've seen this video, but i just wanted to share this Life’s like a heart monitor, with ups and downs that make it beat. Emb... | TikTok.

i hear you're pain and exhaustion, i wish i knew the right words to provide you hope again - let me know if there's anything i can do to help, i'm sitting with you. i want to check if you're feeling safe at the moment? @Snowie it's great that you've called scbs, how did you find it?

Seen a similar video @rav3n but will watch it.

scbs was ok, talked about my si, at least I got some things out

I don't think there are any words. I just don't want to be here

Hubby is home so I'm safe

talking about SI can be really tough so i'm glad you were able to give it a go with scbs @Snowie

glad you're safe. that's okay, sometimes just thinking of the right words to explain a complex range of emotions is tough. i'll sit here with you regardless. luckily feelings are not permanent, they will fluctuate and change - i hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you.

is your hubby a support you feel comfortable talking to about these thoughts of not wanting "to be here"?

@Snowie also if at any point you need immediate support, please don't hesitate to contact any of the following crisis supports:

Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

Thanks @rav3n

I speak to hubby a bit, but he works a lot. He knows things aren't great.

Days just seems like a matter of survival. Just to get through to the end of the day without doing too much damage. I can't seem to function normally.

i see, even if he doesn't know everything, i'm glad he has some idea of what's going on for you. @Snowie

sounds like your burnt out perhaps? i can see how getting through each day especially when your mind is overworked can be difficult, i'm so proud of you for getting through each day - maybe it doesn't feel like much now but when you're in a better head space i hope you'll be proud of yourself too.

have you had time in the last week to do something for yourself? even if its a small 5 minutes of self-care?

Thats a problem @rav3n I can't see a better headspace.

Yes our moods go up and down, we have good days and bad yet I don't want anymore days.

I'm sorry

I have a list of self care to do that I'm trying. My psych is big on this. I've been trying to just be so, to just sit To try and take it moment by moment.