My special place

@outlanderI will be honest about it but it is more workcover asking the pdoc about his professional opinion and I am anxious either way if that makes sense. I do have a say @outlander, I guess I am just anxious about what the pdoc will say.

@Zoe7no I don't know if I am ready or not.

I am still not sure about going "back to work". I know it will be a progressive thing and may just be a couple of hours a week. I also know that me returning to my work place will be a huge trigger so I would be returning to work, but at a different place.

I cannot even drive past my old work place without having a panic attack. Just thinking about the place makes me panic.

I am in a similar predicament but for different reasons @Snowie I don't know if I can return to the same workplace because it is an area where I have many triggers but to return somewhere else where I didn't know or have the support of someof my colleagues would be triggering too - rock and a hard place hey!

I am very much questioning whether I can return at all and that would mean I wouldn't be able to pay for my house as well - there is so muxh to weigh up and so many factors involved in whatever happens.

@TeejI am glad in a small way that it helped and you could ask your son for help. If that slowed things down a bit to help you get through then well done for reaching out. I think that shame drives my suicidial thinking even more. Even though I did ask H for help last night, i was not without shame, guilt and humiliation. Not that he made me feel that way, it is my internal thinking that drives these feelings.

I am here for you tonight too @Teej, as I know how hard it is sometimes to see the hour through...

@Zoe7I know now I will never be able to return to my old workplace, way too much trauma. WC already know this so another location is needed when I return.

I have the same feelings sometimes, if I can ever return.

Why our brains overthink things I will never know!!

I try to remember all the things I love about my job @Snowie and then all the things that I know I am going to struggle with. i am not sure the pros actually outweigh the cons enough - they certainly don't right now - but on the other hand I really miss the kids and the work to a certain degree. I know I am really good at my job when I am well and wonder if just being able to do a little at a time will actually be more detrimental for me - then again maybe that is my brain telling me I am not ready to even start thinking about going back to work in any capacity - I don't know!

If only our brains would help us out @Zoe7 in a nice considerate way!!

Wouldn't that be nice @Snowie for our brains to be able to actually help us - it is all a bit much!

Sadden by news on here. Hard to hear, hard to cope with.

Anxiety is high and my thoughts are heading to darkness again. I am scared of these thoughts and what will happen, and of this afternoon's appiontment. Too much hurt today.

@Snowiewould you like to talk about it?

what times your appt?

@outlanderit upsets me. I know what is like not to be safe on here and as much as I try not to think about it, it is in the back of my mind constantly. Have I said too much, have I exposed myself too much.

Appt. is not until 5pm. What a crappy time. I will have to leave early b/c of the rain and the traffic. So all day for my brain to overthink......