My special place

I do realise people just say/post the positive things in their life @PizzaMondo Everyone does it. They don't post the hard/difficult times in their lives.

Even if I say that things aren't good they wouldn't know how to respond to that. And at the same time I probably don't want to burden them with my problems. Those issues shouldn't be placed onto their shoulders.

Yes it does makes sense. I find connection with others so difficult to do. Do I really want them to know how I am really feeling? Probably not.

Besides my husband I don't think I am close enough to anyone to connect with them. And even then, I hold back. I guess they can't help if they don't know.

I even struggle with my psych and pdoc at times. I tell them more than anyone else but that's what I pay them for, to listen, to respond, to help.

I know exactly what you mean @Snowie People keep ringing and asking me that as if I’d be anything but sh#t right now. I know people have the best of intentions but really right now if I am still breathing I’m ok.

I think past experiences do affect my ability to open up @PizzaMondo I have been 'burned' in the past, called an attention seeker, called weak, called "not a good mother".

I think the changes in my psych hasn't helped either. I am hoping to find that stability with my psych now.

I think I just need time to go fast today. I just want the day to be over and to be able to get some sleep tonight. Sleepless nights haven't helped. I see my psych tomorrow morning so I am hoping that will help. That I can unload some of my thoughts onto her.

Hi @Snowie , my lunch on Sunday went OK and I did enjoy some moments, thanks. I was able to leave after just 2.5 hours too.

Sorry your sleep has been bad...it was good for a while, after your sleep meds were changed at the hospital, wasn't it?

I can't believe you've been called "not a good mother"! 😮 I bet that was your own mother who said that 😣

Today I have to go to the germy hospital for my psychiatrist appt. I usually do Telehealth but once a year I have to go in person for Medicare. I'm dreading it.

Good luck with your psych appt today...

Hi @NatureLover

I'm glad your lunch went ok. Well done for staying for 2.5 hours, that is quite an achievement.

I don't think it is my meds that is affecting my sleep. Some nights my sleep is fine, it's just the last few haven't been that good. I've had a lot on my mind which hasn't helped.

I hope the pdoc appt. goes ok. I do most of mine through telehealth too.

Psych appt. done. Was good to unload but has brought a few things up to the surface. She asked some hard questions I couldn't answer. Feel like I am screwed either way.

@Snowie Sorry to hear...by "screwed" do you mean they will want an admission?

Am back and showered after hosptal appt. Washing my clothes now.

She didn't mention an admission @NatureLover

By screwed I just mean if I don't get things out they just stew over in my head, but if I do talk about it, it brings that and other things to the surface so then I stew on them. Feel like I can't win either way.

Besides having to go into the hospital, did your appt. go ok?

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@Snowie wrote:

By screwed I just mean if I don't get things out they just stew over in my head, but if I do talk about it, it brings that and other things to the surface so then I stew on them. Feel like I can't win either way.

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I see...it doesn't sound good. 😢 Thanks for explaining.

Does that mean today has been triggering for you?

The appt went well...I paid $295 for 30 minutes. Get a slight amount back from Medicare. Luckily I only see the psychiatrist 4 times a year!

Yeah the appt. was triggering today @NatureLover They are not always like that. Sometimes I walk away from them feeling tired but happy with the progress I made. Today was just not one of those days.

Just been a hard day overall. Doesn't help with what I have done.

That is a lot of money for a 1/2 hour appt. No wonder lots don't seek help.