My special place

Keep looking after yourself @Snowie

Sending you hugs

Sorry to hear this is testing your patience @Snowie ...Do they want to be sure you feel stronger before they send you home? Do the new meds look like they're working yet?

Hope it all starts to settle for you soon @Snowie

Thanks to everyone that commented. I don't expect people to do.

Today has been hard. Hard groups, tough thoughts and even harder SI thoughts. Not sure how long I can do this. Could only have a certain number of prn since in here.

I want to be home but doubt that will happen. My pdoc will want to know how today went. Not sure he will like my answer. I feel useless, powerless, worthwhile and most importantly no strengths what so ever. A student's nurse is ok, but hard to talk about my suicide thoughts with someone I've never met before.

Do I go home, make sure my kids are content, happy and healthy and then just risk,myself. It does feel better this way. I would rather them mentally good then me. Me doesn't matter so much anymore.

I only had a student nurse today. I know they have to learn somehow and that give them the easier patients to learn, but after today, i needed that extra support. Have ECT again tomorrow (will be 9th session). Am scared to tell the Doctor how i fell. Just keep me in here for longer. I have already ruined hubbies, son and daughters lifes. I just want to end it here. I know i could get to things if i really need too. Only 2 nurses on now until morning. 2 for about 26 people.

One less wouldn't matter. Couldnt even find an ice pack to use and i am not searching another 9 units to find one.

Good bye, i hope things for you go ok.

Things sound really bad for you just now @Snowie . I so wish that was not the case, and that you were beginning to feel more on top of things. But it takes time to change meds and adjust. Please have faith that things will improve. Dont go giving up now, you have far too much to live for and people who love you so very much. Keep doing what you need to, in order to get through each day. Things will turn around, you'll see. 😄♥ One final thing, I think it's important to be honest with your Doctor about how you are feeling. 🙏

Looks like I have got at least another week in here with some more treatments next Monday and Wednesday. The pdoc said at least next Friday at this stage. I am over it at the moment and ready to go home. I wish I could just sign out of here and leave by myself, but unfortunately I can't do that.

Today hasn't been a great day for me again. Saw the doctor and pdoc and told them about what the last few days were like. Some things have been happening at home which is out of my control, which doesn't help. Perhaps if I didn't tell them how I am feeling I might have been able to go home sooner.

Really wanted to speak to the nurse assigned to me but got really annoyed. They put up on the white board which nurses are on and what patients are assigned to them. This afternoon they couldn't even get my name right. Wasn't even just one letter wrong either. Thought that after all these weeks they would at least know my name with correct spelling. Its not as if I have a complicated name either. Makes me just feel sad and worthless.

I'm sorry that all I am doing is coming on here and complaining. I wish I was more help to others lately, but I just feel so out of it. I can't see that changing.

Please if you read this look after yourself and take care.

I’m so glad you were honest with them @Snowie. I know it means you are there longer but they may be better able to help.

Sorry about them spelling your name wrong. It makes you feel invalidated. I totally understand it. I have some family members that never spell my name right and it hurts.

You are not worthless. I’m sure your family love you and think you are worthy.

Sending lots of love to you @Snowie

💜💜💜

@Snowie Hugs coming your way 🤗🤗🤗