My special place

Saw my psych this morning. It was a welcome relief to be able to talk to her again, even though I only got through about 1/4 of what I wanted to tell her. Got caught up talking about Christmas day and how hard it is for me. She spoke to the younger me trying to take the blame of me, but I still feel lots of guilt towards that day. Let her know of my pdoc's plans and she seemed happy that I am going in for the med change as it will keep me safe.

Was an extremely hard session, spent a lot of it dissociating. Did something I am not proud of but can't change it now.

Saw my gp this afternoon but didn't go into much detail. Told her about my upcoming admission. She sensed that I wasn't right but told her I didn't have the strength to talk about what was happening inside my brain.

So now trying to stay cool and stay present. Hard on both accounts.

I hope you don’t have to wait too long for your admission @Snowie

I usually spend all Christmas day in the kitchen so I don’t have to think too much and with my kids and grandkids here I can avoid going to Sydney.

You did well talking to your psych this morning and then seeing your GP.

Time for a cuppa hon 💜

Thanks @Eve7 just having a cuppa now.

I feel so exhausted and no energy to fight the demons today.

I am glad you have found a good way to deal with xmas day. Some people love it but I just hate the day. Too many bad memories.

Sorry

I don’t have many words tonight @Snowie and I’m not sure I’d be much company, but I’m here anyways

I went out for a while @Snowie and missed your post

Sending lots of love to you right now my precious friend 💜💜💜

I have become a shell of myself. I am an annoyance and bother to those around me.

My own mother doesn't believe what happened to me so why should others.

I'm sorry for being such a hopeless case. I'm not worth the time.

You are not hopeless and you are worthy @Snowie. You are just going through a hard time.

Any news on your admission yet?

Please don’t think that @Snowie I am sure your hubby and beautiful kids love you very much.

Hopefully your admission will occur soon and you can get away to a safe place.

Are you watching the tennis?

Lots of love 💜🤗💜🤗💜🤗💜