My special place

Hi @outlander

Today has been hard. Spoke to my pdoc yesterday and he suggested adding another med into what I already take. I guess it is just another one to add. Sometimes I am not really sure if all these meds are helping me. I have often thought of just stopping all of them. Also spoke to him about my thoughts lately and what I have done to myself. He suggested maybe a hospital visit might be needed but have so much still going on with D that I just can't make time for myself lately. All my energy seems to be going into her.

Doesn't help that my psych is away this week so haven't been able to talk to her. Was going to send her an email but the last thing she probably wants is to listen to me when she is on holidays.

I just don't want to do this life anymore. Just sick and tired of me. Had enough of using all my energy just to try and exist. Voices in my head are just so strong.

Sorry about all of that. Last thing you probably want to read.

I hope you are going ok and hoping you have sorted out something for work. Just make the right decision for yourself hon. You need to be comfortable with that. I also hope that you got some of your assignment work done. Sounds like a lot of work. Take care sis 💗

Hey there @Snowie ❤️ just wanted to pop in and say hi and thank you for sharing. It's not the "last thing" any of us want to read. We just want to be here with you

It sounds like things have been extra hard lately with the voices being strong and so much else on your plate. It's no wonder you're having an extra hard time. I know I have the "sick and tired of me" feeling come up every now and again. Especially when it feels like all I'm doing is surviving. But you've been making it through ❤️ What have you been doing to survive so far?

I also just wanted to see how you're feeling at the moment, are you feeling safe for now?

Here if you need,

TuxedoCat

I don't know if I would call it surviving @Former-Member Perhaps just existing.

Have done some sewing today and trying to stay busy.

I just feel done. What is the point if this is the life I have. I don't like it or me. I am safe for now.

sometimes existing is all we can manage @Snowie ❤️ But I'm sorry it doesn't feel like much. I know lots of us feel that way when we're in "existing mode". Thank you for letting me know you're safe for now.

Sometimes when I feel like that, it feels like there is a message that I need to change something. Not sure if that resonates with you?

And also, I've recently picked up sewing again after a few months of not doing any. What are you sewing at the moment?

Yeah it resonates with me @Former-Member

There are many things I need to change, but it just seems so hard to do that at the moment. Maybe I am better of with an inpatient stay. I told my pdoc I would at least think about it.

I am sewing some things for Christmas. Thought I would start early to give myself enough time to get them done. They are just small things but hopefully I finish them and are able to decorate the house with them.

Thanks for responding tonight. Am just going to go to bed before I do something I will regret.

Good night xoxo

❤️ Rest up @Snowie. It sounds like a good decision for you keeping you safe ❤️

Take care and I'm looking forward to talking more soon,

TuxedoCat

Sending lots of love @Snowie I am sorry you’re having such a hard time.

I hope you can sleep and tomorrow is a bit better.

💜💜💜

Thanks @Eve7 @Former-Member

Another rough night. Went to sleep easily, just didn't stay asleep. Woke up about 4am, dissociated and ended up SH. I know I shouldn't but trying to hide it from H. He is out working today so have a day at home by myself. Am going to try and have a nap today.

Meant to go out for tea but really cannot be bothered and don't really feel like socializing with people. Not up for small talk. Will try and find some energy from somewhere. Maybe I will just use the excuse that I don't feel well. Not sure whether to go or not.

I hope both of your days go well and there is some sunshine in it 💜💜

Hello @Snowie I’m sorry about your night and sh. I sh last night too, just wanted a way out from some thoughts.

If you go out tonight you won’t have to cook, so that’s a bonus.

There is sunshine here today and I’m working from home and will also do some gardening.

I hope you can have a nap today hon.

Lots of love 💜💜💜

Sorry to hear that @Eve7 Sometimes it is so hard to try and control it. I am trying to remind myself what is done is done and I just have to move forward. Hard to think this way without having the guilt associated with it, but will keep trying.

Sounds lovely where you are. It is sunny here but meant to be raining this afternoon. I do hope you are able to get out into the garden today.

Yes that is true, if I go out for tea I won't have to cook!! Will see how I feel this afternoon.

Take good care of you hon 💕💕